We asked men and women ‘when does chivalry become sexism?’

When someone holds the door open for you, do you view it as a kindness?  Or is it a jab at your ability to do things on your own?  In the season of love, we were curious.

I have always been a big proponent of chivalry, but with the rise in gender equality, people are starting to look critically at it.  Is it chivalrous for a man to carry a woman’s bags, or is he implying she’s too weak to do it herself?  We interviewed both men and women to see if they believed chivalry is sexist.

If you expect it, it’s sexist

“I think if it is constantly expected from a guy (generally chivalry is referred to with guys) then it could be considered sexist and I can understand why people think that. However if a person offers to do nice things like that but it’s not constantly expected of them then it’s not.” -Steven B.

Who says guys can’t get flowers too?

“I think chivalry is a nice thought but I hate that it’s a male expectation. Us holding them to that male expectation gives them the right to hold us to the expectations be being the caregiver and take care of the house and cook and shop.” -Bianca F.

When you use it to show dominance, it’s sexist

“Chivalry is sexism when men try to be the only provider in the relationship and try to make you dependent on them for money. This has happened to me multiple times and each time it turns into him being controlling and manipulating.” -Gigi G.

“Chivalry becomes sexism when the whole thought behind chivalry goes away. When guys aren’t being chivalrous to be kind and to be a gentleman, but they are doing it because they think you can’t do it yourself, or they want to use it against you later say, like if you don’t want to sleep with them” -Hayley G.

Flowers are wonderful, but don’t turn around and expect a favor for it

“I realized people would tell my boyfriend to hold my bags for me, fix the closet for me, etc. once they do it to throw in in our face or make us feel like we need them to do things with us, it suddenly minimizes our independence to do things on our own. Yes, it’s nice that some men are generous and hold the grocery bags for you so you don’t have to carry anything after a long day, but it’s once they start to imply that we are weak and need men to do things for us is when it becomes sexism.”-Sharon M.

If you do it to objectify others, it’s sexist

“No not really! I think it’s kind of on par with just being nice to other people. I think when men act chivalrous with the sole purpose of trying to sleep with a girl.  They act totally different to a girl they are on a date with than they would to a strange girl on the street, I think that becomes an inherently sexist act. Because they’re turning her into an object of affection and desire instead of just being a good person.” -Sam T.

“When chivalry turns into mansplaining”- Zoe W.

My face when you try to mansplain to me

“I think it depends on the guy. Because if you’re doing it to be nice, then it’s just a good thing to do. But if you’re doing it only because you’re helping a woman you’re interested in, then it’s bad.” -Stuart D.

The consensus?   Just don’t be a dick about it

Being nice isn’t a crime, but holding it against your partner is.  Don’t be the person who pays for dinner and expects sex in return, or brings up the fact they bought a nice gift one time.  When chivalry pushes a different agenda, it’s frowned upon and sexist.  Just don’t be a dick about it.