The truth behind seasonal depression

Moods start to change in November and get decreasingly worse until the sun starts to melt the snow away. Those of us suffering cry more, eat more, and sleep more to avoid the uncomfortable tension we feel all day.

Things that used to make us jump for joy barely can force a smile across our face. We lay in the fetal position under mounds of blankets for hours just praying that we’ll be able to fall asleep. The cold season seems to perfectly resemble what we feel inside as the happy little things are covered by blankets of snow.

You’re reading this and thinking I couldn’t be more dramatic, that only the mentally unstable think this way. However, I’m within the twenty-five percent of the population that experiences mild to severe seasonal affective depression disorder throughout the winter months.

According to Mayo Clinic, seasonal affective depression disorder is a type of depression that is related to and correlates with the changes in the seasons. The disorder is very real, very difficult, and very stigmatized. Slowly but surely, the stigmas of mental health conditions are starting to melt away as more people are courageously telling their story. However, seasonal depression continues to be viewed a “made up” name for a winter funk that some people experience. Those that consider the disorder a “rough patch” people can overcome typically only see the outer characteristics of the crippling issue.

As with most things in life, the bad is always seen before the good. Outsiders see people’s absences before commending their perseverance to get out of bed. They see a sad face and assume it’s just dramatized in order to get attention or empathy. Rather than fearing what the winter might do to their day to day lives, their season is summed up in holidays, presents, and celebration.

As someone that struggles with depression around the clock, I dread the cold, dark winter months purely because of seasonal depression. The exhaustion I normally feel with my busy mind is heightened to a point where a missed nap could be the distinction between a good and bad day.

I try to find warmth and comfort from the cold. I try to fill the emptiness with food  that is full of empty calories. Thus, weight gain is almost obvious. You feel bad about yourself and your surroundings nearly every second of everyday. Jeans are only dusted off and put on a handful of times to normally be taken right back off. That baggy pair of sweatpants might hide our bodies better; make us feel more invisible.

Typically, SAD is more common in women than men, but is still found in both genders frequently. Most people start to experience signs of “winter depression” around twenty. So, stressed out college kids with finals and hundreds of other things to worry about feel it full force.

SAD changes your relationships quickly and without mercy. The number of times I’ve had to say “Sorry, I’m having a bad day” after snapping at my boyfriend embarrasses me.  We’ve come to a mutual understanding that the winter months will be more about watching movies and staying inside than going on our usual adventures, though. Some people avoid all contact with their friends at this time. The thought of having to entertain can drive some right back to bed for nap time once more.

Normally, I exhaust my excuses for not wanting to go places by about week two. I’ve gotten pretty creative with the excuses these days. You don’t want to go to the gym, even though you know sweat will make you feel better. You run late to things because you spend a bulk of your time staring at random things and thinking too much.

I struggle everyday. Millions of others struggle everyday. There’s no instant cure that we all desperately crave. My advice: accept it, educate yourself, and never feel guilty.

Accept that you have a problem. Warn your friends when your day has been extra shitty. Do the research about what SAD is and why you feel the way you do. Nothing is worse than feeling sad with no explanation. Lastly, don’t feel guilty about skipping some things here and there. Get yourself up and out when you can, but don’t push yourself, so you’re miserable the whole time.

Learn more about SAD here. Call (877)-743-4672 to talk to someone about depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts.