What sex position is your Big 10 school?
We’ve all wondered it
Universities have been compared to Disney princesses, characters on television, and so on. But what sex position is your university?
Michigan: Premature ejaculation during socks-on missionary
Before the party can get started, they just get a little too eager. No matter what the position, they just leave themselves feeling a little ashamed. And if it’s during socks-on missionary, they have a right to be ashamed.
Northwestern: Missionary on money
With all the money they need to attend the school, it would be a shame not to play on it too. It may be mediocre compared to the others, but at least it makes them feel wealthy.
Illinois: Straddle his Saddle
This move will be sure to get a good view, and in a nice city like Urbana-Champaign, it’s a must.
Wisconsin: Leg-up Stairway to Heaven
Wisconsin is used to scaling Bascom, so why not scale your partner in the process? They already have the stamina, and they are always up for a challenge.
Penn State: The Mermaid
Since they claim that football is a religion to them, then they can pretend the legs are goal posts.
Ohio State: G-Force by the Mirror
Ohio State is used to being great, so why wouldn’t they be great in bed? However, they can be quite pompous, so while getting it on, they will enjoy looking in the mirror just to see how amazing they’re doing.
Purdue: Anal
Men stereotypically love this position, and since most of Purdue is ruled by white men in engineering and math, this is the sex position for them.
Minnesota: Reverse Cowgirl
Being on top may make Minnesota feel in control, but they are actually getting f•••ed by the partner under them. Sound familiar? Let’s remember who always gets the Axe, Minnesota.
Michigan State: Frisky Floor Show
They claim to be a big party school, and this dirty Jersey Turn Pike is perfect for getting some on the dance floor. Put some house music on and stick it in.
Maryland: Spooning
What a bunch of goodie-goodies. This safe and simple position is great for their nice-kid image, and they don’t have to put much effort in.
Indiana: Stand and Deliver
Another party school, they need a way to get it going. Grab a partner while you are hip-thrusting to that Mac Miller song, and kill two birds with one stone.
Rutgers: Dry Hump
Everyone knows that Rutgers has a hard time scoring, just look at their football team. This fully-clothed romp will be just the right amount of action for Rutgers, and though it might not be satisfying, they know they can’t get much better.
Iowa: Spread Eagle
Or better yet, the spread hawkeye. They have to keep the cornstalks down somehow, so why not use your legs? With appendages in all directions, you’ll get the satisfaction you need and plenty of ‘ears’ to hear it.
Nebraska: Torrid Triangle
Since they are the ones who coined ‘N for kNowledge’, they require a more simple sex move. It’s basically missionary, but with bent kNees. They can probably figure it out.
Illustrations by Sophia Silva