Your detailed guide to holiday hookups

We wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and a really great sex life

Let’s face it, you’re home for the holidays, the eggnog isn’t nearly strong enough, your over-interested aunt won’t stop asking you about your love life, and you really need to get laid.

So grab your peppermint martini and call me Santa Claus because here’s your guide to the perfect holiday hookup.

Pick your partner

All of your high school crushes are home for winter break and they, too, have nothing to do for the next month.

You could go for the classic call to your old best friend to help you with some last minute gift shopping. Or you can take a leap of faith in the Christmas Spirit and ask that cutie you’ve always had your eye on to a coffee date to “catch up on your semesters at school.”


Who’s the lucky one to get this gift?

Pick your location

Stumbling back to your place at the end of a night out isn’t really an option, unless you want to have a really exciting talk with your parents over Christmas morning brunch, that is.

Do the seats in your mom’s mini van fold down? You could probably fit an air mattress back there.

Otherwise you might need some convenient timing, maybe while your parents are at midnight mass!

Pick your day

This season is filled with so much powerful inspiration, it’s crucial to keep yours in mind. Are you celebrating the birth of your lord and savior? Are you keeping it heated because of those 7 extra days of oil? Or are you just ringing in the 2017 with a *bang*?

Pick your position

Keep consistent with the season with the Nutcracker, a Sleigh Ride, or maybe even Santa’s Helper.

It doesn’t much matter as long as you use your imagination, spice it up like your brandy, and keep if festive by giving it a name.

Santa's Helper?

Santa’s Helper?

Pick your playlist

Baby It’s Cold Outside but it’s also The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, so Let It Snow and have some fun making it a Holly Jolly Christmas with his Jingle Bells in your very own Winter Wonderland (Just to name a few).

Have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Once all is said and done, make sure to be very clear on whether or not your Holiday Hookup or New Year’s kiss will be just that and enjoy yourself a glass of buttered rum.


Happy Holidays, babes.

University of Wisconsin