There’s nothing more awkward than saying ‘hi’

We all know that moment when you’re walking across campus and you see someone you kinda know, and all you think is “Shoot… I have to say hi to this person.”

Awkward feeling. How do you prepare? You’re not close enough to say hi yet. What do you do with your hands? Have they seen you too? There’s some rice on your shirt. Maybe you’ll pretend you’re trying to get it off.

Then at the last second you both look up and say this chipper little “Hey, how are you?” and neither of you actually answer the question and you both continue on your way. Although maybe you’re sweating a little bit.

The buildup of stress we get from merely saying hello to someone is so weird.

We would avoid saying hi to any of these people!

This stress comes from being overly concerned about looking lame. Yet this concern creates a hilarious paradox: we’re afraid of seeming weird and awkward but this just makes us act more weird and awkward. Our true awkwardness is never more apparent than when we’re trying to say hi to someone in a “cool” way.

“Hey.”

*Gets bug in eye, tries to get it out, looks like a wink.*

“Wait. I did not mean to do that! Come back! Oh…”

In college the idea that a social hierarchy exists is completely normal. And stupid and sad and whatever. But it wasn’t always this way. I remember the day I discovered that being “cool” was a thing, and that some people were cool and these people ruled the rest of the untouchable loser people.

I was conquering middle school, smiling and saying hi left and right, wearing my clothes from Wal-Mart and my sneakers. A couple of weeks in, one of the popular girls said “Hey, Lily, you’re allowed to hang out with us.” And I was just like “Haha, nope!”

Hahahah this is me

We get so sidetracked with looking good that we forget the important stuff, like actually interacting with the people to whom we are speaking and listening when they say “I’m great!” – especially  when you know they aren’t because they’re bleeding profusely.

Maybe this is just a problem I deal with, and everyone else can comfortably make eye contact with someone from a hundred yards away and hold it until they walk past. But because I cannot yet do that, I’ve resolved to stop saying, “Hey, how are you.”

Me: Hi!!!!!!! Her: look away look away look away

Part of this resolve stems from how my weight trainer always responds to this “question” with, “Never been better!”

Every single time.

I think he’s making fun of how basic I sound when I ask. Especially because most mornings when I’m awake and in the weight room I can think of a lot of times I’ve been better. So I’ve started rephrasing the question to try to actually figure out how he is doing.

“Have you had a busy week?” “What have you been up to lately?” “What did you bring for lunch?”

My goal is to interact with people on a more intimate level. Hopefully, when I pass by people in the future our greetings will feel less forced and our conversations will have just a little bit more substance and little bit less awkwardness. Until I accidentally spill my chili on them.