Bodos: The ultimate cure for Sunday mornings

Leave your sunglasses on

When it hits 

It’s Sunday morning. You feel like you’ve slept with a mouth full of cotton balls, you’re not quite sure where your new bag is or for that matter your left shoe, and your hair is full of the crumbly evidence from last night’s Cheerio bender. However, there’s only one thing you’re thinking about: Bodos. You spot your phone on the nightstand, which truly is a Sunday morning miracle, and quickly send an “SOS: Need bagel. Also has anyone seen my shoe?” message to your ‘hoes in the same area code’ Groupme. Then you sit for what seems like forever, clutching your phone, blankly staring up at the ceiling, until you feel a buzz that jolts you out of your cream cheese day dream. Your roommate, whom you momentarily forgot lived with you, answers your prayers with a simple, yet beautiful thumbs up emoji. Together, you throw on oversized sweatshirts and don’t speak until you’re ordering at the cash register of Bodo’s.

You wait for your number to be called, double checking, then triple checking your receipt to confirm and reconfirm the digits. Finally, ‘542’ is called. Now you can start worrying about what you did the night before.

The Scaries

What I just described are the various stages of a condition many people would refer to as the “Sunday Scaries.” The “Sunday Scaries” is a medical illness in which one adopts sloth-like movements, develops an emotional attachment to his or her Gatorade bottle, and convinces themselves that others don’t notice that they’re still in their outfit from the night before.

Currently, Bodos is the only proven method for alleviating these symptoms.

The Promised Land

Bodos is a sacred space, where one can bring his or her long night to a close or begin the morning, and no one really cares either way. The cashier will wait patiently as you rock back and forth, staring at the menu that you’re not actually reading, until you’ve decided to order the exact same thing you always do.

Once you’ve ordered and you just don’t think you can stand up any longer, go ahead and lay down on a table, no one will mind. Even when you’ve realized you’re still wearing the Khaleesi wig you rocked to the Game of Thrones party the night before, it’s ok. Your white blonde locks may be sticky for some unknown reason and you might look more like Regina George post-getting hit by a bus than the heir to the Iron Throne, but hey, at least now you know you didn’t lose it.

The Cure

For those of you who haven’t been to Bodos, which is either because you don’t go to UVA or because you’re gluten-free (no one cares, seriously, no one), I should tell you that they do not toast their bagels. Yes I know, it seems absurd, but it’s not. This is because Bodos bagels are so soft and delicious that all they need is a quick pop in the oven and a slather of cream cheese or butter. I’m more of a straight up bagel lover, but Bodos also offers egg sandwiches, salads, and yeah, that’s about it. Also If you can’t decide what to get to drink, just order all four options, because why not? Your bill won’t pass $5 anyway.

MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: If you or a loved one is suffering from the “Sunday Scaries” DO NOT notify your doctor. He/She will just tell you that you shouldn’t be calling them at home on the weekends unless it’s an emergency, to which you’ll reply, “But it is an emergency,” to which they’ll reply, “I’m not doing this again with you, Caitlin.” Trust me, they just won’t get it.

So grab a gatorade and head to the Corner, because Bodos is calling your name (literally, your order is ready. You fell asleep on that table you laid down on.)

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