Does my ob/gyn know about one night stands?
Or should I actually be embarrassed about not having a boyfriend
There are certain routine questions a woman answers every time they see their ob/gyn: Are your medications still the same? Is this still your contact info? When was your last period? Are you sexually active?
The first time I went to UVA Student Health for an ob/gyn appointment, I was greeted by a new one: “How long have you been with your current partner?”
I made an awkward, blank, sort-of-smiling face while I blinked a few times, completely unprepared for the question. The doctor waited expectantly with her pen, her smile slowly turning into a confused, did-you-forget-your-name sort of look. Eventually I stuttered out, “A few weeks.”
My mouth kept smiling, but I am pretty sure my brows furrowed into a familiar ‘WTF’ expression. I could not believe the words that had just come out of my mouth. It was a complete lie. I had no “current partner”, I wasn’t dating anyone, I wasn’t even really seeing anyone regularly.
Yes, I was sexually active. No, I was not in a committed relationship. Why was it so hard for me to answer that? The doctor asked me some follow-up questions about my “relationship”, the answers to which I continued to fabricate. We had met on the Corner, he also went to UVA, things were going along smoothly. (Yeah, if only.)
As most women know, it’s hard to find an ob/gyn that you you like. Not only do you have to feel comfortable with them looking at your ladybits, you want someone who isn’t going to be judgmental or awkward when you ask them questions about what exactly is and isn’t “normal”.
I really liked my ob/gyn at UVA, and still I felt like I had to lie to her. Part of it is the way the question was phrased, I think, and instead of answering if I had a partner, there was an assumption that I had one in the first place. Was she not aware of one night stands? Was this just a disconnect between generations?
In a world where women are supposed to be okay with being sexually liberated, where hookup culture is so prevalent, why did I feel uncomfortable admitting that I am a part of it, even just within the confines of my doctor’s office?
It is sometimes hard enough to admit to your friends, or even yourself, that you are wrapped up within this culture, but it shouldn’t be hard to be safe about it. For women my age, this area of medicine is often more important than anything else. And to continue to be a part of this hookup culture, we need to be able to maintain it in a healthy way.
Despite the culture “shoulds” and the empirical forward steps we have taken, the actuality is harder to realize and small moments such as this remind me that we still have a bit of a ways to go.