‘Isn’t it good that everybody wants to be thin?’

Conversations with people who don’t really understand body image

The other day I posted an article on my Facebook wall entitled, “It Doesn’t Matter If Barbie is Fat Because No One Else Wants To Be”. While the headline sounds aggressive, it was really about how Barbie now being offered in different sizes does not change the state of body acceptance in the US – very pro-women.

A guy friend of mine messaged me, telling me he didn’t get it. I asked him to elaborate. I tried to summarize the point of the piece – how even though we show different women’s bodies that’s not enough, we need to accept and love them too. Showing them doesn’t change that most women still want to be Victoria’s Secret models or, well, Barbies.

He asked me, “Why is my acceptance that there are different bodies not enough?”

Well, first of all, you’re a man. As much as I don’t want to come across as a crazy feminist, and I recognize that there are definitely unrealistic body standards for men as well, beauty standards for men and women don’t hold the same pressure or culture (I mean, a Dad bod is a thing – can you ever imagine people praising Mom bods?).

And when it comes to this issue, you are the voyeur, the consumer of women’s bodies. So in the fight towards women’s body acceptance, yours really isn’t the only one that counts.

His next point: “Isn’t a desire to be thin a good thing?”

Thin does not equate healthiness. You cannot objectively tell how healthy someone is from their physical appearance. For example, I suffer from PCOS, a hormonal imbalance that makes it very hard for me to lose weight. I don’t eat carbs, eat as many veggies as possible, and I work out at least three times a week. Yet, I still don’t have Giselle’s body. Shame.

This was followed by: “But, where do you draw the line? Because there are some bodies that are objectively unacceptable.”

Not only is it not your job to tell people whether their body is okay or not, you do not have that right in the least. If you are a doctor and wish to express to someone concerns about their health? Great. If you’re a family member who is worried or concerned? Awesome.

As a casual bystander, however, you have absolutely no authority to judge whether someone’s body is acceptable or unacceptable.

And, from personal experience, I know that the fear of others labeling my body as acceptable or not is one of the worst social anxieties I have experienced.

In an odd turn of events, my friend then freaked out when I told him a guy I went on a date with had me in his phone as “Katrina plus-sized.” It’s weird how when these things are theoretical people react in such a different way then when they are personal.

As soon as it became something close to home, he was angry as hell for someone defining me in that way.

But when it came to judging a random woman on the street, it was go, go, go.

However, he did prove my overall point that body acceptance has some major strides to make, and that men’s views on these issues can vary drastically from women’s.

 

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