The best of the worst Tinder messages from UVA men
Just in time for Valentine’s day
No one, myself included, is surprised that I don’t meet the most stand-up gentlemen on Tinder. But I am always surprised at how innovative guys have gotten with offensive messages.
Below are the “best worst” types of messages I’ve received, and the kinds of men who use them. Names and photos are blurred for anonymity because I’m feeling generous.
When he is learning English and needs help distinguishing nouns
IDK, maybe that my couch is 341351 times more comfortable and also where I can actually watch Netflix instead of “watching Netflix” you feel?
When he uses gross pickup lines
This rare specimen’s bio is “I’m not Ray Rice, but can I hit on you?” I am going to go ahead and say I definitely did not see that when I swiped right.
When he wants your data instead of a date
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I did it. Whatever. I understand survey data is hard to come by, okay??
When he doesn’t understand the order of the universe
I think he meant “Do you want to go to Bang?” which is this delicious tapas restaurant, in which case, I am sorry I never replied to him. Their goat cheese dumplings are fire.
When he demonstrates that he failed Stats
Zero. The odds are literally zero.
When he thinks I don’t already know what my body looks like (and also capitalizes random shit)
Haha, Thanks :). I’m sure You have Nice Boobs too!!!
When he makes absolutely no sense
At least he cares about his grammar mistakes tho! (But actually if anyone gets this please let me know….)
To restore your faith in humanity that I have just destroyed, here are my two of my favorites that show how you actually should talk to someone if you want a response.
Those two I actually responded to.
Take my advice next time, guys. Say something normal or funny, like you would to another human in real life. I promise it will work a lot better than telling a girl she could shit toast. Trust me on this one.