I was a part of the Every Body project

I stood gazing at the row of black and white photographs that lined the wall of the Every Body photo gallery, created by Iris Magazine intern Kendall Siewert.

The music playing in the background eerily sounded like it could have come from my own playlist, and the powerfully emotional faces staring off of the wall looked past me as if I were inconsequential. As I read the stories under the photographs, I was touched by the vulnerability of these beautiful women.

I guessed, when I didn’t hear from Kendall about the gallery. I knew it from my first glance into the room.

By the time I reached the last photograph I realized I could no longer deny it: my picture was not there.

From the first day I met with Kendall and discussed the project with her, I was enthralled. She had a beautiful vision, and was so passionate about including my story.

I was nervous when I went to get my photograph taken, because I was going for a fresh-out-of-the-shower look. That meant wet hair and no makeup. To add to that, I was just getting over a cold, and a coughing fit right before the camera flashed put tears in my eyes.

When she sent me the picture she was going to use, I loved it. It was so dramatic, and vulnerable. But standing in the gallery, looking at the photographs hung there, all I could remember of my picture was that it was nowhere near as elegant.

For a few days, I was upset.

I questioned why my picture hadn’t been included, and wondered if my story wasn’t good enough. The online gallery was released, and I didn’t share it with anyone. But gradually, friends and acquaintances started reaching out to me to praise the project and my participation in it. I shrugged off the first few comments, but they kept coming.

So I decided to take another look at the gallery.

I saw pages of beautiful women, and I saw myself. I felt like I didn’t belong.

Then I saw a little spot in the corner that read, “17 Comments.” I scrolled down, and I was greeted with notes of encouragement from people I have never met. They thanked us for participating, and shared stories of their own bodies.

That was when I realized: It’s not about me.

Maybe the other girls love their photographs – I think they are stunning. But maybe we all have some hesitancy about seeing our bodies on display. And maybe that’s the point.

This project was about how we see our bodies, and most of us have some insecurity about how we look and feel. This project wasn’t a cure for that insecurity, but it was a way of showing each of us as women that we are not alone.

I spoke to Kendall about how the pictures on display were chosen, and she explained the process of picking out a diverse mix of photographs, and making sure they fit together. She said that my picture was supposed to be included, but it didn’t flow  well with the others.

And I can see that. When all of the pictures are put together, mine is shaped differently. It disappears. But all together, the 27 pictures are something special.

Individually, we are vulnerable – as a group we are powerful.

This piece is a continuation of our body image series. You can read about another Every Body project experience here, as well as a more general experience at UVA here.