Thanksgiving from a Brit’s perspective

The food baby has never been more real

It’s that time of the year when everyone starts getting excited about Thanksgiving. I mean, violently excited. From drinking pumpkin spice flavoured EVERYTHING to purchasing oversized sweatpants (because the food baby has never been more real), people are really getting into the seasonal spirit. And I am so fucking confused.

Being from the UK, I must admit that 99% of my knowledge of Thanksgiving is based on what I have seen in ‘Addams Family Values’ and a couple episodes of ‘Friends’.

So, my dear Americans, I thought I would share with you my thoughts and questions regarding this oh-so-mighty holiday — but mostly just questions. I have a lot of questions.

Am I really missing out?

The other day I told a friend of mine that we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK (how she was unaware of this I don’t know), and she looked devastated. I’m still unsure about whether she was offended or just felt really sorry for me.

What are you celebrating?

I’m genuinely confused about the reasons for this holiday, and I think most americans are too. I asked some american friends of mine why they celebrated Thanksgiving, and 9 out of 10 times received only a blank stare and change of subject. 1/10 of those times received the following response: “because stuffing brings me joy”.

You eat sweet potatoes with marshmallows

IMG_2924

MARSHMALLOWS? Really? I hear that it tastes like everything that is good in the world smothered with a cloud of eternal sunshine with the slight aftertaste of low self-esteem.

Make what you will of this.

But I still don’t understand why someone would put marshmallows on anything other than chocolate. Didn’t Elvis put them in a sandwich once, and then die on the toilet while eating said sandwich?

What is the obsession with pumpkins?

So much pumpkin....

So much pumpkin…

NO NO NO NO NO WHY

NO NO NO NO NO WHY

What is so great about pumpkins? My theory is that this tradition stems from the need to do something about the leftover pumpkins from Halloween.

Resourceful af.

Is Thanksgiving just to mark the beginning of Christmas?

What is this.

What is this.

This is what makes America great

This is what makes America great

I feel like Thanksgiving’s main purpose is to mark the beginning of the Christmas season. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned about America during my time here its that there is no such thing as Christmas day, Halloween day, or Thanksgiving day. It’s Christmas month, Halloween month, and Thanksgiving month.

You guys start buying Halloween costumes in August, Christmas trees in September, and turkey by October (because God knows that’s how long it will take to cook).

Why is it called Thanksgiving dinner if you start eating at 2pm?

Shouldn’t it be Thanksgiving lunch? I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that 6pm is an appropriate dinner time in the US, but 2 pm? No. I refuse.

Why football?

As a Brit who knows absolutely NOTHING about American football, I find it hard to understand why watching it is the activity of choice on Thanksgiving Day.

But to be honest, if I were to eat that colossal amount of food, I would also be so sedated that the only plausible thing to do would be sit on the couch and watch TV, sparing only the energy to occasionally grunt at the sight of a touchdown.

Black Friday

Black Friday, however, makes total sense to me. Because after spending an entire day being thankful for the things you have in your life, the only logical next step would be to go out and buy all the things you want but don’t really need. Right?

Also, haven’t people died from getting trampled during Black Friday sales? Shouldn’t this be a huge public safety issue?

You eat a lot of turkey

A sea of turkeys at Kroger

A sea of turkeys at Kroger

Did you know that the US consumes around 200 million turkeys per year? That’s around 690 million pounds of turkey. That’s about the weight of Singapore’s entire population.

And that’s a lot of fucking turkey.

Fun fact: Thomas Jefferson cancelled Thanksgiving during his presidency

He claimed that the holiday was “the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard”.

 

 

 

 

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