If you want to buy frozen breast milk from a man called Jim, the USC Free and For Sale group is the place to be

Got (breast) milk?

The internet can be a pretty crazy place, as we have no idea what we may stumble upon whenever we enter its mysterious realm. From Kimmy K’s champagne covered “breaking the internet” ass to all of the dance and viral sensations, it feels like we have honestly seen it all.

However, I genuinely believe we can all say, “I have never seen that before” when us Trojans are studying for finals, take one glance at “the USC Free and For Sale” Facebook group, and find that we can buy some mans wife’s breastmilk for a pretty reasonable price. Perhaps you think your eyes are lying to you as you just read that past line, however, make no mistake, if you are in the market for another women’s breastmilk, look no further.

What the full post reads:

“My wife is selling her freezer stash breast milk ranging from 0 – 3 months. We got plenty of breast milk which is way more than baby requests. She does not use tobacco, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, nor does she take any medications. She eat a well balanced diet, which includes antibiotic free meats. Her milk was pumped directly into bottles and immediately placed into storage bags. She stored her milk in a hygienic way, and also sterilized all parts of the equipment after each use.
Every single storage bag contains with 4-6 oz. milk. We’d like to ask $2 per bag. Price is negotiable if buy bulk. Feel free to inbox me for further question.”

I mean…c’mon! 

I just have so many questions: Who is his target audience, just USC students? Or all college students? He made it incredibly clear how clean and sterile this breast milk is, I wonder if his competition is selling less sterile milk? How do you overshoot the amount of milk one baby needs? Perhaps the child went on a sudden diet? I can’t imagine this is just a coincidence that he is selling this product during finals season…

Perhaps boob milk is a study stimulant! Who’da thought. What happens if the person who purchases and consumes this milk, becomes addicted and craving for more; will there be an opportunity for a reorder? Just how viable is his business plan?

Hsu, an actual real person, also happens to be a Trojans fan. Fight on!

For what it’s worth, a quick browse of Hsu’s Facebook profile shows that he is a real person in Los Angeles whose wife recently had a baby. Yes, this is real life.

So we had this to brighten our day during finals week, stay tuned if any new information comes from this.

Thank GOD she wasn’t a smoker…That almost did it for me.

University of Southern California