Jimenez v. Ellenhorn, the Trial of the Century

As a theatre student, conflict interests me. Shakespeare told us that all the world’s a stage. I find that to be more than a fun saying behind which kooky theatre kids hide while en route to crafting a real identity. It is the truth. Life is performative. It always has been.

I always say that politics is bad theatre. Hillary knows how to play. She knows how to move her fists to get a rise out of the crowd. And Donald knows how to get an auditorium full of people to hold their right arms high in the air. But this is not good theatre. This is theatre of manipulation. It is theatre that preys on the strong feelings of those who have no desire to constantly self-explore. Maybe that is the cynic in me talking. The part of me fed up with the political process. The part of me that got goosebumps when Obama kept saying “CHANGE” in 2008.

The student population at USC is known worldwide for acts of social-political subversiveness, as pictured here

But this article is not about national politics. It is not even about state or city politics. It is about conflict. The USC population may be keenly aware of a student named Jacob Ellenhorn. Perhaps you have heard of him before the past few days. Maybe you voted him for USG Senate. Maybe you heard that Program Board Executive Director, Diana Jimenez has taken the proper steps to impeach him.

Perhaps you saw Jacob’s press release where he resents the fact that USG continues: “trying to castrate strong male voices into submission.”

Whoa.

The theatre student in me is loving this. It is real. It is authentic drama unfolding right before us. Jacob is a fully formed person with strong opinions and a belief system that is at odds with his peers in student government.

But the cynic in me is making my “mildly grossed out” face.

Political unrest has our campus topsy turvy. Toilets don’t belong outside

Part of me cannot help but wonder if this is in any way a big deal. I wonder if it is a deal at all. Maybe a small deal. I have been here for nearly four years, and before recently, I could not have told you what USG does. I have a suspicion that they are human puppets designed to look good in business casual for photo ops with President Nikias and his band of administrative minions.

Puppets with their rehearsed smiles and constant concern regarding the moistness of their palms for hand shaking.

I remain dubious that neither Jacob nor Diana has had any measurable impact on my time here at USC.

But let’s take a moment to examine our dramatis personae and their objectives.

Jacob Ellenhorn gets elected to student senate after running unopposed. He remains open about his platform of “intersectional conservatism.” He organizes talks with Milo Yiannopoulos and Ben Shapiro. They circle-jerk about their righteous understanding of the world and all seems to be going well. But Act II scene one opens with Diana Jimenez, Program Board Executive extraordinaire. The dramatic pot is stirred. The stasis has been interrupted. The stage is set for Ellenhorn v. Jimenez, the trial of the century. What’s at stake? Besides under a month left of Jacob’s Senate term, everything. Everyone’s political views hang in the balance. The world holds its breath as our collective fate rests on the mechanisms of the undergraduate student government at a top-tier, private university in Los Angeles.

Now that’s theatre.

Taking ourselves seriously is important to facilitate political conversation within the framework of Undergraduate Student Government

But let it be known that the production has overestimated the importance of its plot.

This is student government. Your personal politics do not belong here. That is not an easy thing to adhere to. The personal is political now. I get that. But the student body did not elect you to write comprehensive legislation on Equality for All in America. According to the USG website, you were elected “to represent the interests of the students to the administration on campus.” There does not leave much room for your mud-slinging. It leaves no room for you, Jacob, to suggest that Diana’s response is only the result of her jealousy that the events you put on were marginally more popular than hers.

If you want to go into politics, then do it. Write your congressman. Get an internship. Buy nice, professional clothes. But leave the undergraduate student population out of it. Your job is to play middle man to the administration. To quote Jim Halpert from The Office, on Dwight Schrute’s assignment to select an insurance plan, “This is the smallest amount of power I have ever seen go to someone’s head.”

Maybe no human being who has ever lived wants to be told they have it easy. I wonder how important it is that we validate a universal human struggle. I can imagine there are certain troubles associated with being Jacob Ellenhorn.

I imagine that being Diana Jimenez carries its challenges as well. Perhaps this is the source of our conflict. Jimenez uses her voice to illustrate the challenges she understands from her experience. Ellenhorn uses his voice in exactly the same way. The core objective here is identical. Only the superficial motivation is different.

Some say USC’s many fountains serve to maintain an equilibrium between nonsense and intellectual discourse

Let it be known that I validate your struggle, Jacob. You too, Diana.

Let it also be known that the external architecture of this issue is not much a big deal. Small deal maybe. It does, however, represent an authentic struggle to be heard. We all have voices. Some of us struggle to use them. Some of us find the perfect avenues to exercise them. If you jive well with USG then do it. Sick. I love it. Shake President Nikias’ hand. Heck, do more than that. Make a difference. Stop the tuition hikes [please (good luck)]. But before you start stepping on each other’s toes and responding with hypersexualized language (ew, Jacob, c’mon gross, no one is castrating you, what?) take a moment to examine the origins of the conflict and question the extent to which your response is governed by emotion. Because when the natural evolutionary protection mechanisms kick in, you shut down. Then no one can help you. Then you can help no one. Open yourself up to criticism. Learn and love. Maybe even hate too. But at least take a moment afterward to reflect on your actions. To be human is to be valid. Hold hands with someone, shut up and take a step forward, together.

Because, as far as theatre goes, we will continue to read and perform Shakespeare. But I assure you no one is going to remember the time you impeached a student senator, or the time you had a press release that circulated the internet for a week. Prove me wrong, losers.