Katy Perry peaked at Teenage Dream and here is our proof

Idk who that imposter is right now, but it isn’t Katy Perry

If you’ve been living under a rock, completely oblivious to all that has been happening over the past few weeks in the world of Katheryn Hudson, a.k.a Katy Perry, consider yourself lucky. She’s been on a promo tour for her fifth album, Witness, which is scheduled to drop on June 9th. And if we’re being honest, it’s sucked. Her SNL performance was problematic, to say the least. Plus, it’s now being reported that Migos, the popular hip-hop group who are featured on Perry’s Bon Appétit, were refusing to perform with drag queens. Yikes. 

It’s not like the singles that were released are bad, but they’re not great either. They’re decent, catchy tunes that people will dance to when they hear it playing in some dead-end, half-full bar. But none of them sound authentic. It sounds like Katheryn last-minute decided that she’d try faux-hop and follow Miley Cyrus down the road of “I’m white and I ‘like’ black culture, let me try this”. Appropriating one’s culture for a quick and cheap buck is in fact, racist and hella problematic. 

As we watch Katy do a nose dive into deep oblivion and irrelevance, I’m reminded of a simpler time where she released pop jams that were catchy and her music videos not so offensive. What time am I speaking of? The Teenage Dream era, obviously.

Teenage Dream was said to have given Michael Jackson a run for his money

Okay so obviously Katy is not the King of Pop and tbh, she’s not even 7th in line to the throne. But Teenage Dream is the only album besides Michael Jackson’s 1987 album, Bad, to have five number one singles. That’s pretty legendary if you ask me. Out of the three singles released for Witness, none of them have reached the coveted number one spot.

Katy wasn’t nearly as problematic

I know this might be hard to believe, but there was a time when Katy wasn’t wearing cornrows, using AAVE (African-American Vernacular English), and eating watermelon with the world’s worst blaccent and throwing up a peace sign with a photo of Aretha Franklin in the background. Teenage Dream showcased Perry frolicking on the beach and partying in gaudy 80’s attire, which is pretty normal and — you guessed it, not offensive!

Every single was single worthy

You know how some artists mess up and release a song that just wasn’t single worthy? Well, that wasn’t the case for Katy. California Gurls, Teenage Dream, Firework, E.T, Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F), and The One That Got Away were all serious pop bops that rival the early 2000s and were  extremely dance worthy. It was pretty catchy and bode well with the majority of mainstream music listeners, and for the most part, 100% unproblematic. 

The reissue of the album gave us more pop perfection

From Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection, we were given pop anthems including Part of Me and Wide Awake. Both songs are like the breakup anthems we never really knew we needed. Maybe we should all thank the relationship gods that Perry and Brand didn’t work out, because we probably wouldn’t have gotten more music from her golden era. 

Obama was still president

Not Katy related, but Teenage Dream was released in 2010. Obama was halfway into his first term as president and all we cared about was the never-ending Jelena saga and silly bandz. Simpler times. I mean, now we have a man that’s practically unhinged and honestly, I’m just waiting for Ashton Kutcher to come and yell “punk’d!” because I truly don’t know what we did to deserve this.

So do us a favor, Katheryn. Stop the train wreck that is Witness and go love yourself. We know you can do better than this. Teenage Dream is our proof.

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