Dear active bystanders: Thank you
A letter of appreciation to these everyday heroes
Dear active bystanders,
After my experience on Friday, I have learned to really appreciate you.
I was on my way back from work at around 6pm when I passed an older man, probably mid-50s, near Sutton’s on Franklin Street. He started walking closer to me, and my natural instinct was to ignore him and continue on my way back to campus. I pulled out my phone, making it obvious that I was wearing headphones. I picked up my pace but he promptly began to shout at me.
“Put that phone down!”
Obviously I wasn’t going to put my phone down, so I walked a little faster. The shouting continued. He commented about how much he liked “them brown things” (referring to my legs and complexion) and repeated himself in case I didn’t hear. By this point, I realized I was a victim of the worst catcalling episode I had ever experienced.
That was when he started sexualizing my ponytail.
- I’ll never look at this area the same way
This stranger, who I had no intention of receiving creepy compliments from, yelled to me about how he “likes himself a good ponytail” and “I’d like to touch that and yank it.”
I knew I had to get away as fast as possible. I was near the Henderson and Franklin Street intersection by Time Out, so I pressed the walk button repeatedly and waited for the light to change so that I could cross the street.
The man was still yelling to me about my ponytail.
By this time, a group of people who I assumed were students joined me at the crosswalk to wait for the light. One of the guys next to me turned to me and asked, “Is he talking about your ponytail?”
He couldn’t even believe it. I explained to him what had happened and he said, “That’s messed up. And so uncomfortable. You need to get out of here. Let’s just cross now.”
At this point, this stranger’s concern for me and willingness to remove me from the situation made me feel so much safer. We stepped into the street (no it wasn’t in front of a moving car, mom) and crossed, but by the time we made it to the middle of the road, a very angry driver honked at us. The guy I was walking with kindly flipped him off for about 10 seconds, which made my night even better.
I have often been catcalled and made uncomfortable by strange men, but I have never experienced anything like what happened Friday evening. Instead of walking back to campus in sheer terror and discomfort, the concerned stranger made sure I got back to campus safely.
So to you, and other active bystanders who read dangerous situations and take action, I want to say thank you. Thank you for showing me during an uncomfortable moment that I was not alone.
If you want to learn how to prevent violence and contribute to a safer campus environment, check out UNC’s program One Act to become an informed active bystander.