It’s hard being openly bi-sexual at UMass

Do guys actually like me or do they only see me as threesome bait?

I found that less and less people are openly “out” as bisexual. Many people misunderstand what constitutes a person as bi. The definition is pretty loose, but entails that you are attracted to both men and women. You can be attracted to both sexes, trans people, non-binary, etc., and it's also common to prefer one over the other. So, it really crosses over into pansexuality.

Bisexuals often receive hate or judgement from people both in and out of the LGBTQ+ community. Outsiders think we're “greedy” because we don't pick one gender to be attracted to or that we're "experimenting" and one step away from being a lesbian.

There are dozens of stereotypes about us: we're sluts, desperate, confused or "college-lesbians," which Urban Dictionary states are "Girls in college who hook up with other girls when they are drunk." These really hold people back from coming out to others.

Being at UMass has only made me slightly uncomfortable. I do understand that the community is overall a rather liberal and welcoming one, but, because we are such a large university, it's full of many kinds of people —some who support us but not our lives, and some who just hate us.

It’s not like I go around introducing myself like, “hello, my name is Natasha and I’m bisexual," but my sexuality comes up in conversation sometimes. I wish I could say that Demi Lovato and Nick Jonas are the finest people on the planet without the weird stare that comes along with it.

At UMass, and in general, it's incredibly difficult to tell whether or not a girl is in to you. I have always been the type to fear rejection, so in a huge community like ours, I find myself being more reserved, especially around females.

What if I meet a woman who I like but she’s not bi or gay, and then she hates me because I flirt with her? Meeting a woman who is understanding of my bisexuality was great until we would get into an argument because then it was all about how she “knew she should have never dated a bi girl”. But in a female relationship, it is incredibly relaxing and refreshing to not have these gender roles like “who wears the pants in the relationship”. The answer is always: “both of us”.

With guys, it gets a little bit more confusing. I got hit on by an acquaintance walking past Marcus Hall and began to wonder if he was only interested in me because he knew I’m bi. There are stereotypes that being bisexual indicates that you are incredibly promiscuous, so sometimes I wonder if a guy likes me or only sees me as “threesome bait”. I think this semester alone, I have heard conversations like this around four or five times:

“Bro, she’s bi”

“Wait, really?”


“Damn, I’m trying to smash.”

“You think she wants to bang too?”

“Aw hell yeah man.”

National statistics that show that one in four girls are sexually assaulted on a college campus but that statistic gets incredibly scary when it takes sexuality into account. Two in five bisexual girls are sexually assaulted on a college campus. This goes back to the stereotype that we are “easy” “overly sexual” and “sex-driven."

It makes me feel quite uneasy going to parties around campus, especially since the only time I went to a frat party, there were two guys that were being quite aggressively handsy with me while I danced with a female friend of mine. They clearly they didn’t understand what “stop”, “Leave me alone”, and “touch me one more time and I’ll cut your balls off" meant.

So, to all my bi girls out there, hit me up —just kidding, kinda.

Ladies, surround yourself with people who understand you and want you to be safe. College is a wild ride and the only way for us to survive is to look out for ourselves and those we care about. Know that you don’t have to feel the need to explain yourself and that its okay to be attracted to guys and girls but prefer one over the other. No, you don’t have to have a threesome if you don’t want to. Ignore people who call you a “college lesbian." If a girl won’t be with you because you’ve been with a man, eff that bish.

UMass Amherst