How to survive a UMass football tailgate

Charm an old lady into giving you some Tostitos

This weekend is the first UMass football game at McGuirk. This marks the first tailgate for UMass football. Except here at UMass we don’t really tailgate the football games. Instead, we tailgate lunch at Berk.

For those of you tailgate rookies, or old vets who need a little reminder, here is everything you need to need to know to survive a tailgate at good ole’ ZooMass.

Minimize the hangover

This can mean re-hydrating with water or Pedialtye, having a beer in the morning before your hangover even sets in, or worst case scenario, taking it easy on Friday night.

We all have our own remedies and this is exactly why. There is no Saturday morning more important that tailgates. One of the worst places to be hungover is a parking lot.

Move your car early

If you have your car here on campus you’re going to have to move it out of Lot 22 before the game. Move it as early as possible. Otherwise you’ll have no option but to park half way to hell and that walk on Sunday won’t be fun. So, move early and keep it close.

Set up a home base

Tailgates are crowded and it’s inevitable that your group is going to split up at some point. It’s almost impossible to find people you are looking for by just walking. Have a general area where you’ll meet up at some point in the future.

Don’t break the seal

This is always a rule, but especially at tailgates. The only thing worse than using a Porta Potty, is waiting in line for a Porta Potty. If you’re really desperate, head to Lot 33 and use those Porta Potties, there may be shorter lines. If you’re really really desperate, find a tree.

Rep UMass

Show some school spirit! UMass tailgates may not be the stuff of legends, and the actual game clearly doesn’t matter, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t show some pride. You wear that same UMass t-shirt at least once a week. Make sure this week, it’s on Saturday.

Befriend real tailgaters

Of course everyone there is a “real tailgater,” but you want to find the ones with the food it’s usually alum or family members. Tailgating is a great way to work up an appetite. Charming an old lady to give you some Tostitos is a great way to keep your energy up.

Go to Berk

A UMass program we can all get behind. Dining is the pride of UMass. Make sure to go to Berk after the tailgate and witness the number one program in the country prove why it’s a champion.

Berk Berk Berk Berk Berk Berk

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