Why caffeine is my drug of choice
I had a coffee and wrote this in 10 minutes
Caffeine is considered a legal drug, the best kind there is, and I am not naive to its greatness.
I love caffeine, I am in my purest form when I am hyped up on caffeine.
Here is why I think it is the greatest substance to abuse.
I’m sadly not 21 yet (except in Rhode Island) and my mom raised me to be a real straight edge (or so she tried). I am not allowed to drink, I’m not allowed to talk about drinking, and I’m not allowed to be in my mother’s presence while drunk.
The reason for this isn’t because I would probably tell her my darkest secrets, but because it’s illegal. You should have seen me when my family went to Italy. My parents now know that I am straight up SAVAGE. But now that I’m back in the states I have to keep my savage alter ego hidden.
But ya know what’s not illegal? COFFEE. I can have as much coffee as I want and my mom and the cops can’t say a damn thing!
It’s easy to get
There’s no going through a friend’s cousins boyfriend to get your fix, all you have to do is go to the nearest cafe and demand an Americano with two turbo shots.
I live for dining dollars, and wanna know what I can get with dining dollars? Coffee, Monsters, Redbulls, and five hour energy. Wanna know what I can’t get with dining dollars? Rubinoff.
It’s socially acceptable
Show up to class with a coffee? Totally cool. Going to a family party with a coffee? Half my family is addicted to coffee, it’s no big deal. Waking up and having a coffee? America runs on Dunkins.
Do all this with a mix drink? Suddenly you’re an “alcoholic”?
No high quite like it
Theres no high quite as pleasant then a caffeine high. You can workout, do homework, wake up, stay up, clean up, basically ANYTHING.Try doing that after a bong hit? (Spoiler alert: you can’t)
You’re on Hyperspeed
Forget regular speed, the drug I want is caffeine. I can do anything and my brain works so much faster. It’s a stimulant that I have grown quite fond of. I can talk 100 miles a minute and my wit is unparalleled.
Proof of this is the fact that I wrote this article in 10 minutes after chugging a black coffee and am still listening to my Wildlife lecture.
Only downside is I’m sitting here cross legged because I have to pee so badly and there’s still 25 minutes left.