FML: UMass edition

We’ve all face planted because UMass doesn’t plow

Remember in middle and high school when was super popular? We used to check that how we check Instagram today.

We’ve gathered some of the best (anonymous) and most relatable UMass FML stories. You might have even experienced yourself.

“One of my residents woke me up crying and yelling at 3am on a Monday night that I wasn’t on duty because someone stole their stuffed animal that they left it in the stairwell. Wtf? FML.”

Yikes. Just yikes.

“I was walking in Northeast in the winter, and because UMass doesn’t fucking plow or care about our well being I ate shit and slid on my butt down like four cement stairs leading to Pita Pit. I had a bruise for two weeks that covered my ass completely. It hurt to sit. FML.”

Hey, UMass…wanna, I don’t know, not try and kill us? Maybe throw down some salt? Thanks.

“So I’m doing HW on the 22nd floor of the library, and the fire alarm goes off. It’s 11pm and I have to shit. FML.”

Got your cardio for the day, eh?

“Today I went to work at the dining hall, changed out of my shirt, put on my Berk shirt and went to ask where the supervisors needed me. I worked for an hour before one of the managers found me. Turns out, I don’t work today. Then, when I went to change and go back to my dorm, someone had stolen my shirt. FML”

#UMassDiningRules #Number2InNewEngland

This one makes me a little uneasy…

“I collect glassware. My sophomore year at UMass I had a really cool empty bottle of Portuguese wine in my collection that I hid under my bed during Thanksgiving break as to avoid any confusion when the RAs checked rooms.

“In January, I got an email saying I was being documented for alcohol possession that they found over Thanksgiving break. They claimed they didn’t lift my comforter, but they clearly did. I couldn’t fight it and had to spend the $100 to go to BASICS for an empty wine bottle. FML.”

Totally unfair. I’m an RA and I know we aren’t allowed to do that. FML is right…

“I was doing my laundry in my dorm in OHill and I shat my pants. Like yes, I actually shat my pants in the laundry room, and awkwardly went upstairs to change and explain to my roommate that I’m clearly incapable of holding in my poop. FML.”

“I transferred to UMass from a school in Farmington, Maine. As a joke, some kids every year got shirts that say DTF in huge letters with ‘Downtown Farmington’ written in smaller letters below. Everyone gave me weird looks. Then one night I’m Netflix and Chilling with this kid and I’m literally straddling him and I take off my sweatshirt to reveal that I’m absentmindedly wearing my DTF shirt. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone laugh so hard mid-hookup. FML.”

Too good to be true.

And on the note of infamous hookups…

“I got to talking to this guy at a party, and he seemed pretty cool and he was going off telling everyone how great he is in bed. I’ll admit, I was a bit drunk and he seemed pretty convincing so I didn’t see the harm in getting frisky.

“He never found my vag and I woke up with bruises all over my thighs from where he tried to get it in and couldn’t figure out where to put his junk. He really lived up to his bragging… FML.”

Aww… isn’t that cute?

“So essentially on Halloween night, a bunch of pledges were driving our cars to be DDs, and I cracked my entire phone just before I got a call from a pledge that my side mirror got smashed by some kid swinging a log on a rope. Yeah. FML.”

Friggin UMass.

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