What it’s like being the first one in your family to go to college

Before tradition, there is a first

Although no one experiences college in the same way, first generation college students face additional obstacles and stress compared to their peers whose parents have done it all before. Demographically, this population of students are typically minorities, who come from low-income families

Me and many other first gen college kids have struggled throughout their college career, financially academically and/or socially. During my second year, I once had a conversation with a coworker of mine: he asked, “ I assumed you didn’t go to school ‘cause of the 35+hrs you put in weekly, dude! You’re crazy, I would die. How do you do it?” I thought about it for a second… I had never been asked that before, but then I simply replied, “Well I gotta eat and I need somewhere to live, right?” We laughed and carried on with our workday but that question resonated with me, it replayed in my head over and over like a broken record.

This is when I realized that I wasn’t previously consciously aware of the situation I was in. I wasn’t “doing it” as well as I thought I was. I was stuck in this “work-mode” – I was consumed by it. All of a sudden, It’s midterm week and I am barely catching up with week one readings, let alone my sleep.

How did I get here? How do I work so much and barely make enough for rent? Is this even worth it? And these questions kept me up at night and haunted me during the day. They followed me around everywhere i’d go, stuck to me like street gum on the sole of a shoe.

They accompanied me at school, at work and at home, making me numb to my surroundings. It is inevitable to not blame and put yourself down when you get the ugly grade that you crammed so hard for even when there are external factors that caused this low performance.

Also, I wasn’t only bringing shame to myself but to my family as well(even when they have no idea what grades I am getting or classes I am taking) because they need this degree as much as I do. I always told myself that I plan to eat with the people I starved with. On the other hand, It is ironic that my family whom I lacked communication with is so instrumental in my perseverance and in my success in the classroom.

I remember late nights filled with hunger pangs. I found myself waking up at three in the morning -when everything is still and the air is coldest and everything is so quiet that you could hear the ocean waves crashing- to my stomach growling. It would roar so loud that it echoed throughout the room, bouncing gently off those empty walls. But who am I gonna call? My 53 year old mother who still has to slave away in the vineyards to make ends meet back home? Nah, there’s no need to cause her unnecessary stress when she would be helpless, regardless.

So I refrained from sharing any of my struggles with anyone and instead found ways to overcome these inherent challenges. Now, I aspire to one day be able to give back to future first-generation students even before they begin college and maybe, just maybe, will that contribute to the diminishing of such negative and unique experiences.

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UC Santa Barbara