Ten people that should be considered for UCD Chancellor
I mean, practically anyone will beat Katehi.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, you’re probably aware that the Chancellor formerly known as Linda P Katehi has officially resigned. While this was really not a surprise to anyone, the hunt for a replacement is in full swing. Here’s a list of ten people, real and fictional, that really should be considered for the job.
Dolores Umbridge, Harry Potter
Yes, Professor Umbridge was the woman you loved to hate in the Harry Potter series, but she might make a good Chancellor for UCD. She and Katehi seem to share a similar disdain for the welfare of students and since it took so long for the administration to give Katehi the boot, Umbridge might have a reign longer than the one she had at Hogwarts.
Donald Trump
Hey, if becoming the next President of the United States doesn’t work out, becoming the next Chancellor at the University of California at Davis could be his Plan B! After all, he banned newspapers from his events and Katehi did pay $200,000 to modify Google results.
Mr Krabs, Spongebob
Nobody is known for being as money hungry as this crustacean, but Katehi might just have him beat. When her $400,000 salary wasn’t enough, she turned to other ways of supplementing her meager income. Mr Krabs is just as greedy, but perhaps a bit more miserly.
Ebenezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol
Is it just me or does Katehi always seem to be grumpy? If that’s a critical part of the role as Chancellor, Mr Scrooge could certainly fill it. He might even outshine our former Chancellor in this department.
Ms Trunchbull, Matilda
If you ever read or watched Matilda, you were probably scared out of your wits by Trunchbull, the slightly crazed and formidable headmistress. She could definitely rule UCD with the iron fist formerly wielded by Linda P, but she’ll have to leave her closet full of nails at home.
Chance the Rapper
If causing controversy is the way to becoming a successful Chancellor, then Chance is definitely up to the job. Katehi caused a stir with her many breaches of contract and alleged misuse of university funds, but Chance did a great job last week of stirring up some drama without even being present at the university.
The Volturi, Twilight Series
This reference might date me a bit, but for a while, there was no group of people as hated as the evil vampire rulers in Twilight: Breaking Dawn. The Volturi and Katehi already have overwhelming dislike from inferiors in common, but let’s not forget that Katehi didn’t act alone – the administration that refused to fire her is just as bad.
Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
With Carrie as Chancellor, at least UCD would gain a little flair. Plus, she always has great advice and would probably be very down to actually listen to students, unlike her predecessor.
Colin Kaepernick
With all the drama surrounding his “not standing for the National Anthem scandal,” Colin might seem like a strange choice for Chancellor, but let me put it this way – at least the man has principles. Katehi was more than willing to sell out to the highest bidder, but Kaepernick at least sticks to his guns.
Beyoncé
All jokes aside, if Beyoncé felt like it, she could be the best Chancellor any school has ever seen. Just because she’s that good.