Everything Berkeley students need to stop doing

You’d think that with the high caliber students that attend Berkeley, daily annoyances – an unpleasantly un-flushed toilet for example – would be a thing of the past.

But alas, we still have to deal with the frankly inefficient and selfish behavior of our fellow students.

So we’ve had enough- it’s time to pull your head out of the clouds and think about what you’re doing.

Stop pushing your way into the lecture hall before the previous class has gotten a chance to get out

It’s like the famous Los Angeles 405 traffic- everyone is bustling off in every which way, only concerned with themselves.

But when you start shoving your way into the lecture hall through the crowd of students trying to leave, you are creating an unnecessary bottle-neck. Just chill out for a second and wait until the lecture hall has cleared.

Don’t worry, you will still eventually get to your precious unassigned seat that you have claimed as yours.

Stairs are like the road- stop going down on the left side

It turns out that Berkeley students are only book smart, not street (or stair) smart.

Apply the rules of the road to stairs or grocery store or any place with heavy foot traffic. It’s common sense, really.  

Stop sitting on the edge seats if the middle seats haven’t been filled

When you sit on the edge seat before class has started, you cause unnecessary problems for literally everyone, including yourself.

The person who had to rush from a previous class now has to climb over you by gingerly stepping over your precious backpack. Either their crotch or their butt ends up in your face. The person in the row in front of you gets whacked by a rogue elbow or backpack.

The professor is disrupted by the ruckus and everyone around you is incredibly uncomfortable with having to watch this awkward dance. Thanks a lot.

Stop using big words that you don’t know to make yourself sound smart

When you speak up in class to inflate your already enormous ego and load your question/comment with useless jargon and big words, the resulting scene can go one of two ways.

Either you a) end up looking like a pretentious asshole or b) you use one of your smarticle words incorrectly and end up looking like an idiot.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t engage with your professors and correct them if they are wrong; rather, you can and should do so in a humble, genuine, non-asshole way.

Stop looking on your phone when you walk in the hallways

Okay. As much as you like to believe that you are capable of multi-tasking, you are not.

Texting and walking does not work. You are so glued to your phone that you end up cutting people off, running into people, and even stopping to walk altogether (and directly in front of someone, too).

Please, for the love of all things holy, flush the toilet in VLSB

Are we in college or are we in preschool?

Seriously, the bathrooms are gross enough even without the addition of your lack of follow through.

Stop packing up your stuff before the professor has finished

Settle down busy bee. We get that you have to run off to your next class or whatever, but professors tend to give super important information at the end of lectures- like exam tips, homework instructions, etc.

But we can’t hear it because you start slamming textbooks, shoving who knows what into your black hole of a bag, and ferociously zipping up your backpack.

Stop riding your bike or skateboard like a jackass

Yes, Berkeley’s campus is hilly and is a daily rush of excitement for all you adrenaline junkies. Yes, you may be running late because you overestimated the pedaling power of your little legs.

But that does not justify terrorizing nonchalantly meandering pedestrians by zooming and swerving in and out of the crowd and narrowly avoiding horrific crashes.

Stop talking about your SAT/ACT and AP scores- they don’t matter anymore

I hate to break it to you, but everyone at Berkeley had pretty good test scores in high school. So we don’t care about yours.

Those numbers mean absolutely nothing now. They may have helped get you in here, but that’s about it. Stop bragging about your perfect or near-perfect score.

We get it- you peaked in high school.

Can you please stop gossiping during lecture?

Aw cute, you have a gaggle of friends that you take classes with.

However, some of us are actually trying to take notes instead of hanging out (because during lecture is the perfect and logical place to catch up, right?). But we can’t hear anything the professor is saying because of whatever Sally did to piss you off this time and before we know it, we know every single detail about you and your boyfriend’s relationship.

Enough already. Take your non-flushing, lecture-disrupting, and annoying selves and check yourselves.