No, don’t touch my hair – how it feels to be a black girl at a PWI

It was a warm Thursday afternoon in late August at 3:30pm in Gladfelter when someone first dug their fingers into my hair since I’d moved to Temple University―my home for the next 4 years in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia: home to the Liberty Bell, its namesake cheesesteaks, the biggest collection of Impressionist art, and a force of black culture propelling the individuality of this great city.

It is undeniable that Philadelphia is a notably black space; in its art, its historic iconic revolutionaries – like Cecil B Moore, and more modern faces like Lil Uzi Vert – and its population. Yet, institutions throughout the city do not reflect this characteristic.

While nearly half of the population of Philadelphia is comprised of African Americans, only about 13 percent of Temple University’s undergraduate student population is comprised of black students, about 56 percent of the population being comprised of white students.

Photo from TU Fact Book 2016-2017

Coming from Prince George's County in Maryland, the wealthiest predominantly black county in the U.S., (and the county just minutes away from the campus on which a University of Maryland student murdered a young black Bowie State University soon to be graduate)―this feeling wasn't nearly as prevalent in my everyday life, especially my school life.

Black culture – and black people – were always around me at all times. In addition to my desire to travel and see more of the big cities of the east coast, the prevalence of black culture in Philadelphia inspired me to leave my hometown. And so, I became a fish out of water, not only as an out-of- state student in a predominantly in-state student population, but also as a black queer woman at a PWI.

The fear of not being able to make friends was amplified by the fear of being singled out or side-eyed for my thick hair and dark skin. The stress of not wanting to look too much like a freshman (which brought back so many buried memories of being a young, naive high school freshman) was magnified by not wanting to look “too black”.

Along with the anxiety of not knowing where my next class was, or who to go for for questions, or how to get this form signed or this paper printed out came the thought – what would I do if someone asked to touch my hair?

Would I say firmly but kindly say “Absolutely not”? Or would I begrudgingly allow it? Would I lash out? Laugh it off? I couldn't shake the thought that the masses of students I pass by and sit next to on a daily basis would be my colleagues and peers for the next four years, and it was up to me to avoid being “the angry black girl”. And yet, how could I abandon the authority over my own body that I’d taken so long to learn how to own?

This feeling of alienation can be overwhelming and disheartening, albeit not intended by the people around us, but there are ways to combat it.

Temple does make an effort to promote diversity and unity within the student population. There are clubs such as the Black Student Union, who aim to develop unified relationships amongst our brothers and sisters in the Temple and Philadelphia community, Campus Curlz – a club geared towards education and celebration of natural hair, Queer People of Color, the Temple Association of Black Journalists, and more. There are classes about black history and world culture; and students from all types of backgrounds with countless differences that make us a more individualistic and diverse community, willing to learn and grow alongside others.

While these efforts are evident and appreciated, a sense of alienation is still prevalent.

In early September, a banana was left on the door of a dorm room of four black students – the only room of black students on that floor. This case of racism on campus is not isolated. In October of last year, a student was called out for her casual use of a slur by her roommate. Last December, a swastika and racial slur were drawn in snow on top of cars parked on a 16th and Montgomery. Also in February, a black student was repeatedly called a slur by a stranger near campus; a case of harassment that Temple never officially made a statement on.

During this altercation, a policeman was involved and approached as if to restrain the student: the victim in this situation. In March, an Asian student was called a slur and harassed by a complete stranger.

These incidents are not rare, and it seems as though many similar cases go unreported. Oftentimes Temple’s official reactions can be lackluster, or simply nonexistent to many students on campus.

The frequency of these occurrences can even make smaller micro-aggressions seem like minor inconveniences – all the hands in my hair, the comments about my skin, the fetishization, alienation – it can seem so trivial yet feel so insulting.

 In Temple’s most recently published Fact Book, they state “over 79% [of students] said they felt a sense of belonging here.”

This is admittedly heartwarming and sweet to read. And yet, not only has it been scary and disorienting to be a freshman in a new city, learning new things about my passion as a fresh new adult – it has also been scary and disorienting to be a black face in what can oftentimes feel like a white space, located in a foundationally black city.

One day, I'll get over my freshman nervousness, but I will never stop being black.

Whether or not I take my identity and all its facets into consideration on my journey to grow as a person and a professional on this campus and in society, at my core I am a young adult trying to find my way in an ever morphing society.

I have to grow as a person despite any differences, but I will always wonder how an institution such as Temple is a PWI in North Philadelphia, and the effects it has on the surrounding community.