Millennials are killing sex, beer, and just about everything else apparently
You name it, we’re killin’ it
Millennials have been getting a pretty bad rep lately for the most absurd reasons. We might be the participation trophy generation, but let’s not forget who chose to hand us those trophies. It’s almost has if every generation before us is trying to cover up everything they’ve ruined by criticizing our use of napkins and lack of in-store shopping.
"millennials killed department stores" baby boomers killed the polar bears but right right right my deepest apologies to jc penny
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) June 4, 2017
According to new report by CNBC, Goldman Sachs downgraded two major beer corporations due to “sluggish beer sells and shifts in demographic tastes." The one percent fall in sales from 2016 to 2017 can only be the responsibility of one demographic: millennials.
Due to our apparent increasing love for wine and marijuana, the beer industry is on its death bed after a one percent fall and we must take full blame.
We were raised on Natural Ice and $12 Vlad for the sole reason that we simply can’t afford anything else. Oddly enough, our love for cheap wine and throat burning vodka isn’t the only thing we’re doing wrong.
Our choice to use paper towels is now killing the napkin industry according to The Washington Post who cited a survey conducted by Mintel in 2016.
If you think that’s bad, our monstrous generation has had the audacity to kill department stores, marriage, lunch, bars of soap, diamonds, and even sex.
"millennials are killing retail, diamonds, and love"
boomers killed the economy, environment, and civil rights so I don't wanna hear it
— Lukais Sciandra (@Lukais_Scian) July 28, 2017
Yes, those same baby boomers that labeled us the “hookup generation” for our immoral and promiscuous tendencies are now claiming that we are not having as much sex as they would like to see.
Ryne Sherman, an associate professor at Florida Atlantic University told The New York Post that this could be due to the fact that younger people are starting their adult lives at an older age because of the economic downfall of 2008. "More people are living with their parents longer, and it could be harder to bring home a date,” Sherman says.
Basically, the economy left to us by the baby boomers is the reason no one can get laid, so here we are, disappointing everyone with our sex lives.
Millennials are killing anal sex.
Wait, no that's not it *adjusts glasses*:
Millennials are killing it at anal sex.
High fives all around!
— Alex✨ (@SkulldelaCreme) May 20, 2017
Even worse than our declining sex lives is our plan to destroy the traditional three meals a day. According to a video put out by Fortune, millenials have made it their own personal mission to put an end to lunch.
In 2016, restaurants saw a two percent drop in traffic during the beloved lunch time hour. Fortune claims our lack of lunch time meals are filled instead with snacks throughout the day instead.
But let's be honest, millenials aren't boycotting lunch, we've just decided brunch is a much better, much drunker option.
The only thing millennials love more than brunch and avocado toast is craft beer. https://t.co/wGcak6DpPZ
— • J • (@TinyLittleLatte) July 24, 2017
The ultimate demise of the meal found after breakfast and before dinner will be the result of our mission to destroy all that is good and right in the world.
Tumblr user, Brainstatic, created a viral post that revels the truth behind the deaths of industries by the hands of millennials.
— Steve Miller (@SteveMillerGuru) July 6, 2017
The economy and environment might be in shambles at the moment, but let’s continue to raise concern on the downfall of the lunchtime hour and the death of the napkin.