How it feels to be separated from your twin during your freshman year of college

When we first applied to college, my twin sister and I were constantly asked if we planned on going to the same university.

In theory, it seemed like a nice idea but for me—it was never an option. Growing up with a twin taught me many things but the most crucial of those, was the importance of being an individual.

I’ve been through it all with my twin right by my side. From losing friends, health issues in the family and moving to other schools, we were always each others shoulder to cry on and hand to hold. Every hardship we ever faced was an opportunity for us to come out stronger and closer than ever before.

I always knew that no matter what problem or struggle lied ahead, I would get through it because of my twin, Sarah.

We both knew it would be hard to not live across the hall from each other anymore and the reality was still not kicking in.

For the majority of my life people had a hard time differentiating my sister and I. Keep in mind, we look extremely similar, participated in the same activities and were inseparable best friends in high school. Even though people thought it wasn’t a huge deal when they mistaken me for my sister, it often felt like I wasn’t good enough.

Being grouped with my sister made me feel like I wasn’t interesting enough to stand out and I went through this weird phase where I brushed out my curly hair (bad idea) and wore tons of accessories. I constantly wore necklaces, earrings, large rings and my specialty—hair bows (yes, it was as bad as it sounds). I wanted to stand out so people would say “Oh, that’s Emily, she’s the twin that wears the bows.”

After about a year and a half of looking like a weird Claire’s model, it eventually happened. Some people began to recognize the differences. I thought once this happened all my fears of lacking individuality would fade. Although many noticed that there were recognizable disparities between the two of us, I wasn’t “just Emily”—I was the twin who wore bows.

I constantly felt like the only people who truly knew me were my parents and of course, my sister.  After always being confused from one another throughout our entire lives, we both knew that college would be the perfect opportunity for us to go somewhere and not be known as “the Moser’s” or “the twins.” It was our time to finally be known to the world as Emily or Sarah. College gave us the opportunity to follow our passions and receive a second education at places that truly fit our personalities.

The contrast between the schools we ended up choosing is hilarious as my sister attends Eastern University, a small Christian college in the middle of a forest, and I ended up at Temple University, a giant dynamic college in North Philly.

Many are still shocked at the differences in our choices but to us, it made sense. We chose places that were almost the opposite of each other because that’s how we have been all along—we had always been different people.

Move-in day was surreal and stressful involving a lot of crying and goodbye hugs. It wasn’t until my parents and sister drove away that I truly realized I was alone. Honestly, it was a lot harder than I had expected and I often found myself feeling truly isolated.

I called, Facetimed and Snapchatted Sarah far more than I expected to, but I knew the separation would be worth it. After a week without my twin sister, I decided it was time to truly take advantage of Temple and have some fun.

If I followed my passions and put myself out there, I wouldn’t be too upset my sister wasn’t with me at college and in time that’s exactly what happened.

Even though I’ve only been studying at Temple University for a little over a semester, I know I’ve learned a lot about myself. I finally have friends who truly like me as an individual and I’ve learned I could survive without my twin sister.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we don’t Facetime every day (because we do) but it has instilled faith in me that I’ve never fully had before. I miss my sister constantly and being away from her has been torturous at times.

However, I know our decision to go to different colleges was right thing to do. Our Facetimes are longer, the goodbyes are harder but our friendship is stronger than it’s ever been before.