I can’t help but be attracted to Ted Cruz

He will have sexual relations with this woman

Hello. My name is Ashley-Sarah Mooney, senior reporter for The Tab, and I want to be your Second Lady in 2016.

There was a time when I thought the obvious sex appeal of badboy Governor Huckabee was what I wanted.

But in the time between the first GOP debates and now, I’ve grown as a woman, as has my taste in men.

I just can’t pinpoint Ted. The guy’s a fucking mystery. I look at him and I think, “what’s going on in that beautiful head?”

And what says edgy better than “Maybe he killed a guy or 37.” What says mystery more than “I literally cannot decide if this guy is laughing or weeping on stage right now. . . but either way I’m into it.”


Because boys have body counts, but real men have body counts, like, of dead people.


This post has been sponsored in part by my life choices, all of which are regrets.IMG_6265

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