Syracuse University soccer stars and their professional doppelgängers

We compare the biggest stars on the team with the biggest stars on the global stage. Who’s their famous playalike?

2+2-1=3. Don't mind me, it's quick maths. Anyway, listen.

Little is known of the archetypes we have in sports, Carl Jung failed to place his finger on it so here I am, back with that margin, tagging the Syracuse University Soccer stars with their professional twins. It's all fun and games so don't get all in your feelings if you don't concur.

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Look at those Zoolander poses

Within this preface, I'd like to note that if you're on this list and somewhat disagree with the comparisons; you can take it up with me, I've got all the free smoke. If you aren't on the list and you feel a way, refer to the earlier resolve. Now *hand rub* let's get to it:

Kamal Miller / Chris Samba

Chris Samba is known for his blockbuster stint at QPR. He might not be as elegant on the ball as a Gerard Pique but he'll undoubtedly manhandle the opposition's strongest forward with as much ease as Snoop Dogg's flow.

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The relentless war machine

Kamal's dynamism and aerial ability mixed with his sheer physical presence and no-nonsense style of play liken him to the Congolese center back. You best believe he'd hoof away any preceding danger before the opposing team can sniff a leak from the star-studded SU back line.

Rumor has it, he might even be capable of holding his own against the likes of Adebayo Akinfewa, however I beg to differ; it's much too flattering.

Corny Nickname: Kamal the Meal-er

Mo Adams / N'Golo Kante

At the twilight of his career, a revolutionary Lassana Diara has been eclipsed by an astonishing young bloke who broke into the third tier of French football just over 3 years ago. Yes, Major General N'Golo Kante has indeed defended Chelsea's line ruthlessly, taking European football by storm, literally tracking the ball like he works for UPS.

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Maestro on the ball

No man in the ACC does such a tasking role as Mo Adams, Syracuse's deep-lying midfielder. The team's anchor is a lightweight but his tackles are grittier than Giggs' voice and more savage than 21. He doesn't shy away from 50-50's and the relentless energy he brings to the pitch infects his teammates (poor choice of words regarding our current health climate).

Corny Nickname: Adam, Everyone's Daddy

Jonathan Hagman ~ Thomas Mueller

Thomas Muller is the German forward that's been running riot w/ his Bavarian crew in the Bundesliga. The red/white striped hitman is the king of first-touch finishes and Jonathan's goal record fits neatly into this criteria.

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Top bins

The long, lanky SU midfielder might not be the one to bamboozle defenders with a big bag of flashy tricks but he possesses a trait which sets him apart from other wannabe MLS Stars in his position; he has a knack for finding the back of the net. Tied 2nd in points and ranked at No. 2 for goals scored last season, the ACC couldn't control the blonde gunslinger so let's hope he finds his two right feet this post-season.

If he fails to repeat success, he'll be demoted to Andre Schurrle which isn't really that bad, depending on how you look at it.

Corny Nickname: Jonathan the Hangman

Johannes Pieles / Fernando Torres

Remember Euro 2008 Torres? Yeah, that guy.

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Buzz cut ambassador

After spending his freshman season spotting a Nicklas Bendtner ponytail, the slippery number 9 has decided to wise-up and go-low– a move that's speculated to have come about from his newfound adulation for the Spanish Goldilocks. His flick-flack skills, silky-smooth style of play topped with his sublime finishing ability and complimentary ball control pose him a hazardous threat to any and every college in the US.

Failure to replicate such performances will liken him to Alexandre Pato for those savvy soccer (I apologize) fans.

Corny Nickname: The Johannesburg Peeler

Hendrik Hilpert / Claudio Bravo

Not the real-life Bravo here, the one that's impossible to score on in FIFA.

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A pretty ballsy stance

Packing the leap of a frog and the extra-sensory awareness of a dog, Hendrik has it all in his locker. His command over the defensive line and his show-stopping tendencies are traits mirrored solely by the brave Barca goalie. On good days and bad days, you can always rely on him to perform – unless we get a corner in the dying seconds and the ball is nicked from our last man leaving a one-on-one from the halfway line – if you remember 😉

Corny Nickname: Future Hendricks

Adnan Bakalovic / Bojan Krkic

Regardless of where he's at today, Bojan Krkic was a boy wonder back in his Barca days.

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Light'em up

The lightning quick wing wizard is quite a trippy sight to watch. His close ball control and nifty dribbling style compliment his deadly finishing ability. His teen- weeny frame mustn't be mistaken for a lack of punch, he packs with him devastating skills sure to make the crowd go bonkers and he's got a sound tactical understanding of the game. He demonstrates this whenever he's given a chance to get his feet wet and he might just tap dance his way round the ACC defenders to finish the food on his plate. Don't let him get the final touches.

Corny Nickname: Astro Boy

Hampus Bergdahl / Gary Cahill

Gary Cahill constantly scopes the scene for all impending danger lurking on the pitch whilst paradoxically maintaining all composure. He sits back and reads like Cat in the Hat, marvelously contemplating all the worst-case scenarios whilst everyone else looks on.

At 6'0 and 184 pounds, the blonde swede might not impose as threatening a sight as his defensive counterpart, Kamal, but his hawk-eye vision of the game is beyond resolute. Forever probing and prowling the lurking opposition, his awareness and ability to throw forwards off game and right under the bus deserves its own cry of appreciation, so here it is.

Not all heroes wear capes and not all defenders are freekbeasts. His tackling is tremendously clean and his playing style is as cool as mint. He puts strikers' bounty on a break – handing them KitKats and his composure proves that you don't have to be thicker than a bowl of oatmeal to handle your own at the back-end.

Corny Nickname: Ingmar Bergman

'Wrap it up den' – Quavo


So all-in-all, we've got a solid soccer squad here at 'Cuse. It's important to grant our athletes and coaches their deserved appreciation for the tasking work their put through. Our campus superheroes always strive and prosper, waving the orange flag high everywhere they go. For that, we should be forever indebted to them, just not monetarily of course.

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Alex Ferguson discussing tactics

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