The anxious student’s guide to avoiding everyone on your walk to class

Stare at your phone and whatever you do, NEVER look up

Mean glares, epic stare downs and the battle for path territory plague every Syracuse University student walking down the promenade.

These delirious perils, among others, accompany you en route to your 8 AM. The gritty journey is plagued with creatures of all sorts walking by you: the frat boy, the phone-zombie (they literally never look up from their iPhone), your Tinder match from last night and the ultra-preppy girl squad, just to list a few.

Since taking our first steps we've played the walking game, but never quite wrapped our heads around it. A commonality all around the world, avoiding last night's hookup is much more difficult in the orange land of Adderall and cheap vodka.

We live in a society bloated by immeasurable pride; one where people would rather stare you down than step out of the way for you. That's precisely why you mustn't forget to come well equipped to this involuntary battle with the armor I provide.

If you don't acknowledge the game, you'll be the first to break into a sidestep in battle. The key lies in accepting its truth and then utilizing the cheat-codes displayed here, for finessing your anxious ridden walk to class.

Clothes

You'll need a star-studded closet to stand out. Not Balenciaga per se but sprinkle in a bit of Supreme and match it with some sole bangers like the Yeezy 350 Boosts– that'll do. On your way to HBC, you can flex those ~thicc~ bottoms, feeling the paranormal force of confidence oozing through your soles. They exude a plethora of sauce that will have people ducking away. No one would dare come between you and your destination.

Might wanna try this SU born and bred apparel

Stare at your phone

No awkward situation shall derail you as long as your Twitter sidekick or Tinder match stands tall in your tight pocket. Blankly staring at the shiny space-gray iPhone 7 can deceive the walkway challenger into genuinely believing that you're too engrossed in it to be aware of their mere presence. Use it to your advantage.

Always wear headphones

You're unplugged from your immediate surroundings plus those Offset ad libs have you feeling harder than Samuel L. Jackson screaming "Motherfucker!"

You glide in-sync with the beat and the environment suddenly becomes the background of your music video. You're the star of the show so these pawns better scurry, scamper and dash from your overloaded ego. This goes especially when your outfit is on fleek.

Easy Money

Walk in a gaggle

The merry band of class cliques get a pass– so be sure to join in. You would have to compromise your sense of humor to fit in with the fuzzy bunch but it soothes your trip to the 80 minute torture chamber.

Hopefully, the pretty penny your parents paid was worth your grasping of this tactical masterclass. In mastering how to 'walk the walk', you may now go fourth and prosper in these cold streets.

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