An open letter to the Tinder guy who broke my heart

Dear newly stranger,

I’m trying to find the exact reasons as to why I’m writing this letter to you. It could be stemming from the false hope that lies in the back of my mind that you could somehow stumble across this letter and realize you’ve made a mistake.

Or that you’ll read this and feel some sort of regret. But at the same time, I know that none of these things are likely to happen. I know you’ve read a bunch of these before – the girl writes an open letter to the one she once had feelings for but it wasn’t until now that I realized what these letters really mean.

And I want to say thank you. For everything.

One of the current views from our “date” back in August

Rewind to this last summer where I just experienced one of the worst dates with a guy from Tinder.  He lived in the city and I lived in Jersey with easy access to Manhattan. While I won’t go into details about what happened, I will say the date left me wanting nothing more from such a pointless app.

Then suddenly, you sent me a message.

I have to admit I had no intentions in replying. But I did. And in some weird twisted way, I’m extremely grateful today that I decided to.

The next weeks were followed by intriguing conversations about life, our interests, and my favorite, food. Knowing we only had three weeks, with me going off to college and you starting your career, we promised to just enjoy the time we had left. After all, we were in “different phases of our lives”. I was starting a new world on my own with no familiar faces in sight. But nothing would prepare me for our first “date” and what was to follow.

On the train to Coney Island. One of the places we went to before I headed to college.

I vividly remember the bus ride to the city. At first it didn’t seem to phase me that I’d finally meet you but as soon as I stepped off the bus I fought every motivation to get back on. And as I spotted you from the escalator I questioned my insecurities.

After all, this was Tinder and nothing to be taken seriously. Right?

Yet I found myself tugging on my white blouse and suddenly regretting wearing such high waisted shorts. Nervous, I couldn’t even look at you but it didn’t bother you at all. Instead you made sure I was comfortable and held my hand throughout the day.

You guided me to the restaurant you constantly boasted about where they served the “best lamp chops,” trying to prove to me that meat was better than tofu. (Still not convinced.) I kept my head low as you kept ordering appetizers while trying to engage in a conversation with me. “What?! You’ve never tried hummus?” you questioned as you ordered some. And boy was I not having it. My heart was pounding and I started to feel hot from my crippling anxiety. Man, I never knew I could sweat this much from nerves.

While I thought I was heading home, you held onto my hand and guided me to the train that lead the other way. You took me to the first hookah bar (yes, I know, how romantic.) I ever stepped into and I suddenly felt my anxiety building up again. I wondered if I would make a fool out of myself. However, this time you didn’t sit in front of me. Instead you took a seat next to me and held my hand. Knowing I was too shy to speak, you did the talking for the both of us. Then little by little I found myself opening up to you. I knew thought you were someone special once I realized how quickly time flew.

I went home that day wondering what I’d be doing if I never answered you back. I knew in the back of my mind that I was only leading myself to heartbreak but I couldn’t help but be a hopeless romantic. I wasn’t looking to fall for someone but I did. And unfortunately, I fell harder.

Those three weeks suddenly turned into countless nights with us FaceTiming while I was away for my first semester in college. I didn’t want to admit it then but part of me was hoping that you’d change your mind and want to give a relationship a try. I’m not sure when it happened but you drifted away. Those late night video calls were now quick text messages and those deep conversations became superficial. Part of me knew then and there that you had moved on but I didn’t know how to face it. I was hurt over the fact that all I was left with was a bunch of lies and empty promises.

Heading back home.

But I’m not here to talk about the nitty gritty parts of our short-lived romance. No, I’m not expecting an apology or pointing fingers at who said or did what. Regardless, those late night FaceTime calls and daily texts are moments that only exist in my memories. Although it didn’t end the way I hoped it would, I am forever thankful that our paths have crossed. Because of you, I have learned so much.

So as I close this letter and we go our separate ways I just want to thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to love yourself. Thank you for staying up late at night to make sure I was okay. Thank you for FaceTiming me whenever I felt alone in college. Thank you for holding my hand whenever I was uneasy about a situation. Thank you for being a friend – an empowering individual in my life who constantly pushed me to try new things. But most of all, thank you for letting me realize that, even with all of this, I still deserve so much more.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

The girl you knew for three weeks.