The guide to answering annoying questions during the holidays

It’s holiday season. The time to stuff your face  with holiday cookies, fancy dinners, and seasonal beverages. It’s also the time of year to be interrogated by your loved ones with countless questions about your schoolwork, personal life, and future. Here are some fool-proof ways to get around pesky unwanted questions:

How’s school going?

Make sure you’re not drinking any liquid during this one, or you might spit-take. Force a smile and say “Peachy.”

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Talk about how many likes your Yeti selfies have gotten. 2,000 hearts has gotta lead to one real guy, right Aunt Sue?

How goes the job search?

Ignore the question and keep turning up the volume on the Netflix series you’re binge watching every time they ask. They’ll give up eventually.

What ever happened to [insert high school friend name here]?

Just chuckle a little bit and shake your head. Excuse yourself from the table and scream into a pillow.

How were your finals?

Break down into a fit of fake sobs (or real ones). They’ll back off.

Do you like your classes?

Tell them that of the three you went to this semester, they all seem pretty lit.

What kind of job can you get with [enter major here]?

Great question, Gam-Gam. So far the options are “stripper” and “Uber driver,” so I’d say it’s a pretty diverse field.

Have you gained a little weight?

In all honestly, no one should ask you this, ever. Respond by stuffing your damn face with mashed potatoes and enjoy life.

What extra curricular are you involved in?

Tell them you don’t want to brag or anything, but you crush a bottle of vodka and pass out on a frat house floor every weekend, so you’re pretty committed.

What is your New Year resolution?

Don’t get kicked out of SU, the best goddamn school in the Free World.

Happy Holidays, everyone!