Yes Means Yes: Silence is not consent

Sexual assault on campus is often pinned on Greek Life, and the Greeks have long been fighting to eliminate that association.

As part of fighting off the stigma, as well as educating students about sexual assault, Syracuse University’s Interfraternity Council and Panhellenic Council are currently hosting a campaign called Greeks Against Sexual Assault.

This campaign is a week long program to bring awareness to sexual assault and to provide information on what it is, what resources a victim can find regarding this horrific act, and how to promote safer relationships amongst others.

Alpha Gamma Delta’s Yes Means Yes banner.

Greek chapters have been tabling in Schine, as well as hanging banners outside of their houses for students to see, and automatically become aware of the campaign, as they walk to and from classes, dining, and social activities.

Last night, the campaign hosted its biggest event with Harlan Cohen, author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College and Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed & Totally Sober), who came to talk to us about consent, relationships, and dating.

Cohen’s speech was filled with laughs from beginning to end, but also valuable lessons, the largest being about consent.

Consent is often contested. What if they said yes, but it wasn’t exactly sober? What if they said yes, but regretted it in the morning? And what about the age old adages, “I knew they wanted it,” “She was asking for it,” or “They just didn’t want to because they weren’t turned on yet?”

Surprise! “Even if you thought it was consent, you’re still accountable,” Cohen told his audience. Consent is very black and white. Were they sober? Did they say they want to do whatever it was they were doing? Did they not say anything?

If the answer to either of the two preceding questions was no, then guess what? You didn’t receive consent, so stop what your doing, keep your hands to yourself, do not pass go, and do not collect $200.

Which is another way of saying: Yes means yes. Silence does not mean consent.

Part of consent is honest, open communication, which Cohen pushes. Establish with your partner how far you will go together. Establish if it’s a relationship, or just a hook up, or if it could turn in to a relationship.

“You want to know if you can talk to the person the next day.” Cohen pointed out, pinpointing the burning question of every hookup.
Loving yourself is also a key to setting boundaries. “It’s so hard to say no because most of us don’t love ourselves. I was so grateful to be in love that I didn’t set boundaries,” Cohen revealed.

But you know what? Set boundaries. If setting boundaries scares them away, then find someone else. They weren’t good enough for you anyway.

Not only that, Cohen told his audience, “Someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries now isn’t going to respect them 2, 3, 4 drinks in.”

So embrace every part of yourself, even the parts you hate. “We’re all defective…whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable, it is beautiful, and someone is going to love it. And if they don’t, go find someone else.” With that, Cohen wrapped up his speech.

As Lady Gaga says, “Till it happens to you, you don’t know how it feels…Till it happens to you, you won’t know, it won’t be real,” but some people do know how it feels.

For too many people, it is real. Together, we can make it a thing of the past. Set those boundaries. Love every single part of yourself. Make sure you get consent.

You can look up SU Sexual Assault Resources here.