The definitive stages of pulling an all-nighter at Stanford

It’s practically a rite of passage

Many of us have been there. Whether you’re a procrastinator, perfectionist, or just a really, really busy person taking hard classes, an all-nighter is sometimes necessary to get things done.

Here is a 10 step guide on how to pull off a textbook definition all-nighter.

*Disclaimer: This may or may not be based on personal experience.*

9am to 2pm – in class 

A photo of my extensive, in-depth lecture notes

You are aware of all the work you have left to do, but you’re also desperately trying to stay awake during lecture so that you don’t fall behind farther than you already have.

6pm – it’s dinnertime 

Fine dining

You think you deserve an hour break to eat and to chat with friends. You convince yourself that you’ll really starting grinding out that paper and those problem sets after a delicious  plate of Stern Hall dining and/or a burrito bowl.

You plan to head to the Bender room in Green Library after dinner to really get those focused, zen vibes going.

8pm – extra-curricular meeting because you are a well-rounded student

You forgot to factor in the fact you have a 2 hour Stanford Space Initiative club meeting or Harmonics acapella rehearsal or DV8 hip hop dance practice or some other extracurricular at Stanford.

It’s fine though, you’ll have plenty of time afterwards to get to work.

10pm – finally back at your dorm

You’re back, but you’re feeling gross after a long, exhausting day, so you hop in the shower and take your sweet time to shampoo and rinse and repeat.

11pm – post-shower, feeling good, but…

‘Nothin’ can stop me, I’m all the way up’ – Infared in ‘All the Way Up’ by Fat Joe & Remy Ma featuring French Montana and Infared

Okay, you’re sitting down now, you’re feeling good. You have your notes out, your laptop open.

There is literally nothing that can stop you from conquering this 15 page paper… except yourself.

Midnight – you are your own worst enemy 

Baby elephants are just so cute

You’re distracted by YouTube videos of baby elephants or you suddenly and accidentally find yourself in the middle of a game of League.

How did you get here? You’re not really sure.

2am – late night snack break

You realize in a panic that Arillaga Late Night closes in a half hour, and you cannot possibly make it through this paper without some mozarella sticks and waffle fries.

With a quick promise that you’ll be back in less than 20 minutes, you’re out the door with a couple of friends to spend all your meal plan dollars.

5am – everyone else is asleep 

You’ve moved to your dorm’s computer cluster. All your more organized friends have already gone to bed and you feel lonely. The athletes have started to wake up.

You’ve reached that point in your fatigue where you don’t feel tired at all and you’re confident that you can hyper-focus and finish your work in no time.

7am – the sun is up

You are also still up.

9am – you realize you have a 9:30am lab section 

Stern Dining’s MVP

You realize you have to take a late day on your CS problem set. You realize you feel like crying. You realize the dining hall is open, and for once you are actually awake in time to make it to breakfast and make yourself some coffee or tea or espresso from the fancy new machines in all of the dining halls.

Repeat as many times as needed to get through this heavy winter quarter. Not recommended at all by writer or by most health consultants.

Stanford University