The things at Rutgers I trust more than the new Secretary of Education

The football team to score against Michigan

Betsy DeVos has proved to be a wildly controversial nomination among President Trump’s cabinet picks. While her lack of experience with public education has been called into question, she also demonstrated little fundamental knowledge about the public school system as a whole during her congressional hearing. Rutgers is a public university, and it sure as hell isn’t perfect, but there are quite a few things I trust more than our new Secretary of Education.

Weekend buses

The weekend buses are probably the main reason that Uber became so popular. Even though they’re rarely on time and run so infrequently, I trust that they’ll at least be there for me. I can’t speak to Ms. DeVos’s punctuality, but I definitely don’t trust her to be there for my public education needs.

RU Wireless

After the DDoS attacks occurring at the worst possible times including during finals, I have little patience for Rutgers wi-fi. However, in general, it’s fairly reliable and hasn’t caused me to lose all my work yet.

Jungle juice

It’s no secret that there’s enough alcohol in jungle juice to make an adult elephant pull a Lindsay Lohan. Fraternity brothers are well aware that these alcohol buckets are the most economically feasible way to lure people to their parties under the guise of ‘free alcohol.’ I still trust jungle juice more than DeVos’s vouchers program.

Financial aid

Dante missed the Rutgers financial aid office when he was writing ‘Inferno.’ Getting someone to answer my financial aid questions and be helpful is like trying not to judge your Tinder date’s lisp: nearly impossible. But I’m pretty certain they’d eventually take my call, and that’s good enough for me.

The football team to score

Some could say that this has been quite an off season for Rutgers’ football. Considering we experienced our worst loss since 1888 this past fall against Michigan (78-0 in case you want to relive this glorious game), no one should trust Rutgers to score in any game. I’d still bet on them versus betting on Betsy DeVos being a decent Education Secretary.

Crime alerts

It’s not so much the crime alerts we do get – it’s the ones we don’t get that I’m concerned about. But if there were any grizzly bears in the surrounding area, I bet Betsy would let us know.

Brower

Despite offering a shit ton of ice cream, Brower has a reputation for being the worst dining hall in terms of overall food quality. However, I recognize that we are fortunate to have a dining hall on every campus. I trust Brower burritos over Betsy.

 

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