What it felt like to have people I admire vote for Trump

It’s really obvious at this point, but in case you didn’t realize, this is probably one of the most divisive elections in recent years. People are protesting in the streets, actively campaigning for ways to make sure that even after being elected, Donald Trump still never gets the chance to lead the country, along with offering emotional support on social media. Many people are celebrating, and of course, many people are angry and upset with the results at hand. It’s easy to start trying to find someone to put the blame on or attack, especially over the internet.

But what happens when you see that people you love and respect are in the same category as the people you are attacking, simply because they voted for what you thought was unthinkable?

It’s not uncommon for friends and family to butt heads over politics. It’s not necessarily a good thing, but it’s not news – Katy Perry’s parents voted for Trump while she campaigned for Hillary; you had to call out your uncle that one time because he said gay people don’t deserve rights; you have that one friend from high school who calls people “cucks” on Facebook and shares memes about “libtards.”

As a Filipina, I’m aware that the Philippines is one of the most conservative of the Asian countries because a lot of us are Catholic. The older generations in my family frequently have opinions that I disagree with, to say the least. I’ve clashed with my own parents in the past over political issues I cared about. And in light of this election, I got to see the true colors of many of the friends I grew up with. At one point I had to consider my connection with a person I’m considering getting into a relationship with because we voted for opposing candidates.

Disagreeing over politics is a tale as old as time itself, and no one is expected to ever have the same feelings over anything. But the mistake that I made during this entire election season was automatically assuming that above any party affiliation, my closest friends and family shared my values of human rights, respect for other people and social awareness. I was in for a shock when I discovered that someone I love was intending to vote for Trump. In my mind, this person was nothing I had associated with a Trump supporter – hateful, racist, sexist, ignorant – in fact, this person was the complete opposite.

When I first found out a week ago, I was upset, but I dealt with it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But when election night finally came around, and Donald Trump won the 270 minimum electoral votes needed to become the new leader of the free world, I was in pain, as were many others. I was emotional, to say the least. But I figured I would continue with my normal nightly routine of FaceTiming this person and talking to him despite how emotionally charged everything was.

Knowing he voted for Trump, I couldn’t help but confront him about his choice. I knew he didn’t like talking about politics, and that he was not nearly as passionate about it as I was, but I had to know.

“When you went into the booth to cast your vote, did you think about other people? Did you think about your black friends, your Muslim friends, people who don’t identify like you and me? Did you think about other Filipinos?” I asked.

“I did,” he said. “And I decided that between the two candidates, Trump was the one that was most in line with my faith.”

I could tell it was a hard conversation for him to have, but I pushed forward anyway. “I know he doesn’t represent you, but I can’t help but thinking that if you voted for him, do you even see me, a woman, as a person? Do you respect me?”

That was when he challenged me: “Do you really think of me that way? After all this time, after I’ve done nothing but try to show you the love you deserve, is that how you see me? I expected this from other people – being called a deplorable, being accused of being a racist, sexist, xenophobe like that fool. But I did not expect that to come from you.”

That was the moment I realized I’d been thinking about everything so wrong. This country is so obsessed with dichotomy – black and white, man or woman, gay and straight, and yes, Democrat and Republican – that we never think to look into the gray area of anything. Just like how all Hillary supporters aren’t untrustworthy, not all Trump supporters are extreme racists. Nothing is ever as simple as we make it.

Just like people will continue to invalidate the feelings of the people protesting the president-elect, others will also invalidate the feelings of people who voted for Trump because they wanted to see a different kind of change. But fighting fire with fire is never the answer, and while I’ll still disagree with their reasons, I understand a little better. I’ll still feel the fear for myself and my friends who will be directly affected by Trump’s win.

But in my own relationships, times like these mean I have to compromise. That doesn’t mean I’ll stop fighting for what I believe in, but I’m not going to throw away relationships with others simply because they disagree. That’s just immature. At the end of the day, politics were not the reason I chose to pursue friendships with these people, and it won’t be the reason I turn away from them. They’ll be the reason I grow as a person because I’m seeing the other side.