Everything I now understand thanks to my Ghanaian upbringing

We were always expected to be among the best

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If you were raised in multiple cultures like me, you’ve probably also encountered an identity crisis at some point. There’s always a series of possible answers to the “where are you from” question where you’re not sure exactly where the other person is referring to; I was born in New York , grew up in New Jersey, and my family and I are from Ghana. Usually I end up giving a long winded response explaining this, which is something I quickly got used to growing up.

I’m sure most people know that elementary school kids were the worst when it came down to being different (I’m not the only one who remembers the African booty scratcher jokes, still too soon) and I wasn’t always proud of how my Ghanaian culture made me unique. It sucks to feel disconnected from your peers. But as I got older, I realized I had an advantage that most people don’t. Now I’m glad I value my culture and the way I live my life because of it – the good, bad, funny, frustrating and all.

My aunt and I

Expectations are high

Being well-rounded doesn’t sound like a terrible expectation to have for your kids, especially coming from people who worked really hard to be here. We were always expected to be among the best, no exceptions. But here’s the catch: Ghanaian parents expect you to do it all without leaving the house. They want us to have a full social life, spend our free time studying, excel in hobbies, get straight A’s, get a well-paying job, put family first, find a spouse and never focus on dating. Whenever I asked to go out, it became a huge deal that I’m never home. When I stay home, there’s something wrong with me. And God forbid I ever tried to ask to go for a sleepover. What are those? “You have a home so why do you want to sleep at someone else’s?” Parents just don’t understand.

‘Back Home’ is basically our house

If I got paid for every time I was awakened by loud, international phone calls at odd hours of the night I could pay off my student loans (maybe I should’ve started charging my parents a long time ago). No lecture would be complete without a lesson from my parents’ childhoods. But my favorite by far is the “I was the top of my class and all extracurriculars in school” story that EVERY RELATIVE (and there are many) has told. I always suspected something didn’t add up there.

FOOD

What more needs to be said, really? I’ve had double the food options and no regrets. Every gathering of more than two people has enough food for now and leftovers for the next few weeks, which is clutch when you’re at a family party that started at 10PM and won’t end until early the next morning. And don’t you dare reject any of it and risk insulting numerous aunties. Banku, fufuo, and the infamous ~JOLLOF RICE~ (which is every bit as amazing as we all claim it is, don’t debate me).

If you thought a name was simple, you’re wrong

If you saw my last name you probably pronounced it “coffee”. Don’t feel bad, everyone does. I’ve heard every coffee joke imaginable (and ironically I’m now addicted to it, yay college) but it’s not nearly the hardest, for the record. You don’t even want to try my middle or any of my nicknames. But I find it funny and I’ve embraced my reality. Simple is overrated anyway.

Traditions for days

Certain things will probably never change in a Ghanaian family, but it’s necessarily not a bad thing. You won’t ever see me handing something off with my left hand; in our culture the left hand is considered “dirty” and it’s very disrespectful to do most things with it, so I it taught me to respect. I learned to read when I was three and multiply when I was five, so it instilled in me that knowledge is power.  I’ve lost all hope of opening a food container and finding what’s on the label inside, but it’s made me resourceful. And no matter how old I get I’ll never be comfortable drinking with my mom, which is just for the best.

My mom and I

I’m sure other cultures could relate, but I wouldn’t trade being from a country most Americans haven’t even heard of for anything. I was exposed to a lot from childhood, I have a world view of cultures other than my own, I’m able to bond with people that share similar experiences and I’m lucky to know exactly where I come from. Having parents who weren’t raised here has made me a stronger, more independent, resilient, and determined person than I would’ve been without it. When you’re raised by a family that uprooted their lives and started over halfway around the world, you have a pretty amazing example of greatness to live up to. And without this perspective from my Ghanaian upbringing, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

My traditional Kente cloth dress for senior prom

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Rutgers University