A guy sent me racist messages and dick pics after I rejected him – so I fought back

I love social media. I think it’s a wonderful marketing tool, a great way to keep in touch with friends and family, and to simply stay connected to the world. I have profiles on multiple platforms, but the two biggest ones for me are Instagram and Twitter. Of course, while social media is an awesome part of living in the 21st century, there are some downsides. Through no fault of our own, posting a cute picture of yourself can sometimes attract weirdos who tend to think that they can say whatever they want without consequence, which is exactly what happened to me.

It all started on a mid-February evening when someone called @AntJamesMusic followed me on Instagram. He had over 6000 followers, videos of himself singing and playing guitar, and his bio said he was a 28-year-old musician and a Rutgers Class of 2017 student who worked at Saint Peter’s University Hospital right in our very own New Brunswick. This wasn’t the first time bands and musicians have followed me on Twitter or Instagram, so I assumed he was just looking to grow his fanbase or whatever.

He DM’d me thanking me for the follow, which also wasn’t weird because other artists have messaged me before saying a quick thanks then going about their musical business.

He got down to business quickly. He started asking me what I was studying at Rutgers, whether I lived on campus or was a commuter, where I was from, then suddenly I got hit with the “Are you single?” message.  When I replied that I was, he asked if I was 21.

Yikes. I’m 18. Things like this are weird for me because I’m only in my second semester of college. I personally feel like a total n00b to the “real world,” so it’s just uncomfortable for me when men who are ten years older than me ask me to go out for drinks. Obviously I’m only speaking for myself here when I say that, other people feel differently when it comes to age differences. I’m really bad at letting people down, so all I gave him was a nondescript “maybe,” so he gave me his number and told me to call when I was free.

I thought it would just end there, since I didn’t plan on calling or texting this guy, and I figured if I didn’t message him ever again he’d get the hint that I wasn’t interested. But it didn’t.

About a week and half later, I’m at a family party late at night when my phone buzzes with a DM from this guy again.

Completely out of the blue, he asked me how I liked The Summer Set (a band that came to play a show at Rutgers), I guess since he saw I posted a picture from the show. We talked a little bit about that band for a while, and he mentioned how his old band toured with them. And then suddenly, “You’re really cute. We should meet up sometime.” I swear my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

I wanted to make a snarky comment, but instead I held my tongue and just accepted the compliment and said I wasn’t sure. But of course, this guy had to keep prodding me, so I politely explained my reason for not wanting to meet up.

He could have just left it that, been like “OK I’ll leave you alone now,” but nah, he starts arguing with me over what he thought was a lack of logic, saying I was being too defensive and that because he thought I was pretty, I should want to meet up with him. He asked why I even bothered to follow him if I had no intention of meeting him. Then he started making assumptions about whether or not I’m a virgin based on the fact that I had a reason for rejecting him. He even pulled the “I may look like an asshole but I’m not” card. I’ve heard that enough times, thanks.

I dismissed him from my DMs, and then he has the audacity to say, “Sorry for the small Asian dicks you haven’t had but possibly might have in the future.” I called him out for being racist and this is what he had to say.

I thought it was common knowledge by now that dating someone outside your race doesn’t mean you’re not a racist. But OK.

It just got better from there, too.

Tell me again how you’re not a racist? And then he sent me his dick. A dick without a future, a dick I didn’t ask for.

So I did what I had to do: I put him on blast to the 1,600 followers I have on Twitter.

 

The tweet ended up getting close to 350 retweets and 450 likes. Soon enough, I found his Twitter account and found that he’s verified with over 16,000 followers. I received an overwhelmingly positive response to being harassed by this guy, with people texting him, DMing him, and tweeting him, along with offering me their support. I even got in contact with his workplace, since I know that if I were a patient at the hospital he works at, I wouldn’t want to have a creep like that around.

The more people that saw my tweet, the more people started tweeting me and messaging me about similar experiences they’ve had with him. I found out that the @AntJamesMusic is Anthony Evans, guitarist of a now-inactive emo-pop band he had with his twin brother Phil called School Boy Humor. If you Google “Anthony Evans School Boy Humor,” you get a bunch of shirtless pictures of him. Take from that what you will.

They were pretty popular in the late 2000s, and toured with bands like Stereo Skyline and The Summer Set. I actually used to have a mutual following with the band’s Twitter years ago until I finally gave their music a listen, decided I hated it, and unfollowed.

A girl(who wished to remain anonymous) tweeted me saying that years ago, when she was a teenager, Anthony would message her on Facebook nonstop, and when she stopped replying, he would send her messages saying that her friends were prettier than her anyway, and sometimes he’d even message her friends to tell them to make her talk to him. People who know him personally DM’d me saying that they weren’t surprised he was like this to me at all. Another girl who knows him personally said that he would always try hooking up with her and whenever she turned him down, he’d harass her, tell her she was probably a lesbian and call her names.

RU junior Sophie Nieto-Munoz told me about her own strange experience with Anthony, sending me screenshots from 2014 of the relentless messages she’d get from him.

“We matched on Tinder and he found me in the library then found my Facebook and got my number from there,” she said. “He lied about his age on Tinder (he said he was 20 when he was actually 26) and when I called him out on it, he said he was using his friend’s Facebook.”

“I have texts of him telling me that I should hook up with my guy professors so that they pass me, or ‘maybe even some lesbos,'” she continued. “It really is interesting the mind of some boys.”

She thought that maybe Anthony’s trash behavior was because of past experiences with being in a band and always having fan girls throwing themselves at him, but then again, we’re not psychologists, so we can’t really say for sure.

After all this went down, I reported him to Title IX investigators at Rutgers, since sending unsolicited dick pics is sexual harassment, and therefore, a crime. As far as I know, an investigation is underway, and I personally have put a No-Contact order against him, meaning he is not allowed to contact me at all. Title IX encouraged me to keep the information private until the investigation is over, but to me, raising awareness is more important. About a week ago though, I received a message from Anthony on Facebook (that I haven’t responded to).

Basically, he said he wanted to apologize for what he did, claiming he was drunk and on Xanax (which is super dangerous guys, don’t do that) when he was messaging me. He said he really didn’t even remember anything he said to me, because one of the side effects of mixing alcohol and Xanax was “sever memory lost” in his words. He also wanted to clarify that he is not, in fact, a racist at all, but I really don’t believe that.

Truth be told, I felt a little bit bad for him after reading what he had to say. But after doing some thinking, I really don’t have much sympathy for him at all. I didn’t ask to be harassed. I didn’t ask to be called “yellow” and a “chink.” I didn’t ask for you to send me a dick pic.  Before when I’d hear stories of women being sent dick pics, I kind of brushed it off as no big deal. But after going through it myself, I see how demeaning and degrading that shit is up front.

Whether or not you were under the influence, I didn’t deserve that, none of the people you’ve harassed deserve that. You made that choice, and now you get to face the consequences.

The Tab Rutgers contacted Anthony but have yet to receive a response.