Every type of person you’ll meet on the bus

The bus is a funny place. We should all know this by now from experience. People say and do some of the weirdest stuff, which a lot of us say we hate but lowkey enjoy. What we don’t appreciate enough though, is the everyday scene we get on the bus. Some people are just plain annoying, but others are really funny once you take notice. We’ve all seen these people, we just haven’t come up with labels for them, until now. If you don’t think you’re any of these people, you’re either lying to yourself or you skipped one.

The creeps

These are the people who stare at you for so long, you debate whether to get off a stop early or two. Like, can I help you? Honestly, I’m fine with people looking at me, but not for extended periods of time. I start freaking out. If you’re a bug maniac like me, the first thing you think is that the world’s biggest spider must be on your shoulder. If not that, why else would you feel the need to stare into my soul? So many thoughts fly through my head. I either look like I got hit by a truck or this extra makeup makes me look queen Bey gorgeous. Maybe I’m just doing something embarrassing and don’t notice it. Please stop making me stop waste time checking my fly and just look somewhere else. If you’re just one of those people that accidentally stares off into space, except at faces, then please check where your eyes are at before you get lost in that thought.

The window glancers

These are the dramatic ones. They’ll get on the bus, sit at a window seat and the whole bus ride, these people will stare out the window. It’s actually quite intriguing. Please tell me what you’re thinking. I’ve been trying to read your face for a while now and you’re slowly turning me into The Creep. It looks like they’re in real deep thought about the world and what it means to be alive, when in reality you know they’re probably thinking: “should I switch it up and get the Squire burger combo today?”. But the novel it looks like you’re writing in your head is too real for me, so I’m just going to pretend you’re pondering the meaning of life anyway.

The utterly depressed

Don’t confuse these ones with the Window Glancers. The utterly depressed don’t always sit at windows. But when they do, they look even more depressed. Don’t get me wrong, these people aren’t always actually sad. A matter of fact, they can be laughing on the inside, but they look like they’ve just been shot. I am this person. Maybe it has to do with the way the bus moves or the length of the rides, but it’s just hard to help. As someone who smiles a lot, yet turns into this person on the bus, I’d like to take a burden off you. Don’t feel like you have to ask if we’re alright. Friends have asked on more than one occasion and my answer is always the same. I’m literally fine. It’s more an expression of our boredom than anything else really. #RestingSadFace?

The bag people

If you feel like you’re carrying your whole life with you everywhere you go, you’re probably a bag person. Bag people come in all varieties. There’s the people who carry plastic bags. multiple backpacks and those sports people whose bags alone look like they could be the secret to their muscle. The problem with all of them is, they have so much to carry, they don’t have a place to put it. So, they casually put it on a seat or on the floor in the aisle. But, me tripping and dying or slipping and sliding as I stand, is not casual. I’m a human, so sorry. but I think I get priority over your bags. You may be with your bags so often, it’s like they’ve become an extension of you, but they’re inanimate objects. You can put it in that corner where the baggage is supposed to go. I’ll sit in the seat, where I’m supposed to be.

The leg extenders

These people just love making others work. You know people are probably going to walk by you if they’re entering from the front of the bus. Why do you feel the need to extend your legs more than halfway into the aisle? That’s rude. There are two kinds of these people — the kind that move their legs and the kind that don’t. I have questions for both. To the person who doesn’t move when I’m clearly walking by, don’t you know I’m a klutz and will probably trip? And for the people who move their legs, why would you go through the effort of constantly lifting your legs? It kind of fakes me out sometimes too, which also makes me trip.

The phone addicts

This might as well be all of us. Phone addicts look at their phone for practically the whole bus ride. Like, non-stop. If it’s not texting, it’s scrolling Instagram. If it’s not that, it’s just cradling it. You know someone is a phone addict when they just sit and stare at the black lock screen. Being a phone addict doesn’t have to mean you’re actually addicted to your phone though. Everybody knows one of the best functions of a phone is avoidance of social contact. Half the time people only act like phone addicts to avoid eye contact with people they really can’t stand, but manage to see practically everywhere. There’s no shame in being the phone addict.

The drinkers

No, I’m not talking about alcohol. I mean any drink. Some people seem like they have Starbucks permanently glued to their hand. If there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that drinks and buses are not always a good combination. All too often people don’t seem to understand the physics behind the angle of their cup and the distance of my clothing. I know you need your Strawberry Acai refresher to keep you going, but this is a matter of life or death for my shirt. The worst part is, half the time it doesn’t even spill. It just looks like it’s going to spill, which makes you uneasy until they get off. The people who double swipe for takeout are the scariest of all. You’re carrying two boxes of food and two drinks. I’m sorry, but the odds are too much in your favor. I need you to be at least five seats away from me.

The bus dummies

This is all of us, apparently. We just can’t seem to figure out the logistics of a bus with two or more doors. There’s rarely been a time that we haven’t thrown elbows or yelled at each other out of frustration. Lets face it, we’re dysfunctional. The process of entering and exiting a bus just shouldn’t take so long. As it turns out, there’s an actual system for using buses. We should always be exiting through the back door and entering through the front. This means people can come in at the same time people leave. Imagine the time we’d be saving if we did this right. We can be everything else, but lets stop being bus dummies.