What I learned about life from my Jewish mother
She is the oy to my vey
Between cooking matzo balls and then nagging me for not eating enough of them, my Jewish mother has taught me everything I will ever need to know in life.
I will eat whatever is served to me
Whether it’s my mother’s famous brisket or her repulsive gefilte fish, I will always eat anything and everything on my plate. If failing to do so, my mom will implore what’s wrong with me, why aren’t I eating, and finish her interrogation with a thermometer in my mouth to make sure that I’m not coming down with something. I then will have to end the meal with an extra piece of Bubbe’s kugel to alleviate her worrying. And the worst insult a Jewish mother could ever receive is that her food isn’t good.
I will always bring a jacket with me wherever I go
It could be a hot and humid day in July, and I would still bring a sweatshirt with me to the beach. If my mom has any indication that I’m cold or spots one miniscule goosebump on my arm, I will hear the most common Jewish mantra: “I told you so.”
Marry someone Jewish
Preferably, a rich Jewish doctor. My purpose as a Jewish female is to bear the next Jewish generation, and make sure that they live comfortably. The Jewish people weren’t slaves and didn’t suffer in Egypt for nothing. And I may not have a 4.0, but as long as my future husband does, it doesn’t matter.
Use guilt to win any argument
My mom has mastered the art of guilt tripping—probably from her own mother. I have seen her win arguments with my dad, sister, and me, through applying guilt. If I were to ever move far from home, she reminds me that I would never see her again until her funeral. If I were to ever miss a call and not call her back immediately, she reminds me how worried she was in that short time and that she had called everyone in the family to see when they had last heard from me. So basically, I’m never moving far away, marrying outside of the religion, or silencing my phone.
Have high standards
Growing up, my mom has always taught me to hold high standards for others and myself. My mom has instilled in me that I deserve the best, even though nothing or no one will ever be good enough for me. If I lower my standards and expectations and do not demand respect for myself, I should expect to have a subpar life and experience failure.
Always have a stocked refrigerator
I must be prepared for any unplanned family dinner, binge-eating session, heartbreak, and apocalypse. My Jewish mom has taught me that food can solve any and all problems—and she hasn’t been proven wrong yet.
Always voice my opinion
As much as my mom wants me to marry a rich, Jewish doctor and have all of her Jewish grandchildren whom she can smother and spoil, she has also always told me to stand up for myself. Jewish women are known to be proud, uncensored, and loud. Growing up with several Jewish women in my family, I have witnessed and learned all of these characteristics. The Jewish matriarch holds the family together and my mom has rightfully earned her authoritative position.
She may be overbearing, opinionated, and crazy most of the time, but as a Jewish mother, she is right all of the time. She is the most loving, inspiring, and selfless person I know, and without my Jewish mom, I wouldn’t have become the woman I am today.