How I got over depression and developed a ‘fuck it’ approach to life

Being depressed and pissed off all the time isn’t fun at all, so fuck it

Looking at me, you’d think I have the best life possible and am the happiest person you know. My family is extremely close, I have a great group of friends who look out for me at every moment, and I’m going to a great college.

All this aside, I can honestly say I was depressed for most of my college career so far. Going into freshman year was filled with nothing but excitement and anticipation for what was to come, I thought I would really find myself and everything was going to be absolutely hunky dory. I was quick to find out, however, that the excitement of college was quickly covered up by the dark and rainy clouds of depression. There was literally no escaping it. Every emotion I used to feel started gradually fading away.
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I would say it all started when I was trying to pick my major, and finding internships. I looked into what I would want to do with my life and found nothing. No majors showed the slightest bit of interest to me and I figured I was destined to do nothing, just be a bum with no drive or motivation at all. This is when it started getting really bad. I was not equipped whatsoever for the stress of college.

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Being this ugly and drunk is a talent.

The second semester of freshman year, I pledged a frat. I won’t say the name of it, but their pledge process was known to be one of the toughest. I thought it would bring me out of this funk I was going through, getting 40 new brothers to have my back would be the perfect thing for me. However, all I felt throughout the whole process was more stress and feeling like shit. It did nothing for me except make me more and more depressed.

I thought about going to a shrink or something, but it didn’t seem like it would do anything. Honestly, all I wanted was someone to listen to how I felt, but not someone random like that. I’m not the complaining, whiny type so I felt like I should just keep it inside. Once I got to sophomore year, I started drinking a lot. I kept drinking on the normal Thursdays and Saturdays with my friends, but I added to that getting drunk on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays by myself for no reason, just so I could numb that pain I felt all the time. It got so bad one night that the drinking led to self harm, not to commit suicide or anything, just because I wanted to feel something. I wanted to stop feeling numb and actually feel something for once. Obviously it didn’t work.

I was fortunate enough, however, towards the end of the semester to finally come out and tell my friends what I was going through and got the same response from each of them, “I wish you told me this sooner, I never want to see you like this.” Once I finally admitted that I was depressed and talked about it, it really, really helped. picked back up making music which always gave me joy when I was younger, and that helped a lot too.

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‘Quick guys, light-skin pose. GO’

At the moment I can honestly say I’m happy and it’s for one reason, I started having more of a “fuck it” attitude about life. Life’s going to throw a lot of curveballs at you and shit is really, really going to suck sometimes, but fuck it. It’s the little things that make me happy now. That perfect song that captures exactly how I feel, going to the movies with your friends, seeing a family member happy, getting that girls number that you didn’t think you could, whatever it may be, the little things are important, and if something doesn’t go your way, fuck it, try the next thing.

I wrote this so that anyone who’s going through that shit storm will know they really aren’t alone. It’s often the seemingly happiest people who are going through it, and it really sucks. Just think about life in a “fuck it” kind of way. Fuck being sad all the time, fuck not telling your friends because you think they’ll judge you, fuck not thinking your worth anything, just fuck it, and to anyone who has even the slightest idea that they’re friend might be going through something like this, I urge you to please say something, because I know if someone approached me about it and really wanted to listen, I would have said something sooner. So fuck it, be happy.

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