BREAKING: Why the fuck is Rutgers vandalizing our shit?
An update and thorough history lesson on the oldest one-way rivalry in sports
Last night, Rutgers kids had the time of their lives and vandalized a bunch of our shit. This has been happening for 200 years now, and it’s getting old.
Most notably, they defamed the tiger statues by Whig Clio. The only discernable messages you can clearly make out are “Fuck Penn State” and a penis. Thanks guys. I guess we can’t expect them to drive all the way over to Penn State, but frankly this just comes off as lazy. In all honesty, it might be even worse than the rivalry that Penn thinks they have with us.
Princeton Yakkers had a field day with the Rutgers “prank” today
By 3pm, the tigers were wrapped in intense layers of clear tarp. It’s unclear if the vandals came back in broad daylight to protect the tigers from the rain, or if the University just wanted to cover the obscenities until they were able to properly scour them. Either way, it looks like something out of Dexter.
It also looks like they painted the Nassau Hall tigers, although they were either immediately cleaned or washed off by the rain. You can still make out the awful Scarlet Knight red though.
The Princeton-Rutgers “rivalry” is a one-way prank war that Rutgers has insisted on dragging out for the last 200 years, basically begging us to retaliate. Its traditions are rooted in ridiculously outdated historical relics, but has become so annoying that it has its own Wikipedia page.
Here’s a quick, two-century recap of the timeline:
1783: The Revolutionary War ends, but two cannons are left behind at Princeton. The bigger one was inventively named “Big Cannon,” and the smaller one is called—yep—“Little Cannon.”
1812: Big Cannon is wheeled over to Rutgers to help fend off some pesky British soldiers during the War of 1812.
1836: Winston Churchill’s grandfather brings a Big Cannon back to Nassau Hall with his buddies, where it is planted muzzle down in Cannon Green.
We see you Rutgers. We never forget.
1869: Rutgers beats Princeton (called “College of New Jersey” at that time) 6-4 in the first ever college football slash soccer game (the rules were a weird hybrid). After the game, the first American college football rivalry is born as the Rutgers team physically chases the Princeton players out of town. The game is loosely referenced in that pepsi ad about “the first halftime.”
The first ever college football game was more of a rugby match between Rutgers and Princeton
1875: Rutgers sneaks over to Cannon Green at night to steal back Big Cannon. They try to pull it out of the ground, but they can’t because it’s a fucking cannon. They get tired and settle for Little Cannon, which is conveniently waiting a few yards over between Whig and Clio. Princeton students respond by raiding Rutgers and stealing some muskets. The school presidents work it out, and the New Brunswick police return Little Cannon to Princeton.
1946: Rutgers kids realize that cars have now been invented, so they try to use that to their advantage. They attach a chain to the back of a Ford and try to yank Big Cannon out of the ground to no avail. When the police show up, the driver floors it but forgets to detach the chain first. Oops. The car rips in half and the Rutgers students run back home.
1969: A week before the anniversary of the first game, Big Cannon is found missing with a hole dug in the ground, next to a huge pile of dirt and anti-Princeton graffiti. Several Rutgers students claim credit for the act. A week later, Princeton students reveal that they dug the hole, and that the cannon was never moved – they had just thrown the dirt pile over it. The Rutgers students claiming they stole the cannon look like idiots.
1969-2006: Rutgers students come to grips with the fact the Cannon isn’t gonna budge, so instead they stop by every now and then to paint it red. Princeton students continue to ignore them and never retaliate in any way.
As you can see, Big Cannon was defaced once again last night.
2006: Rutgers spray paints Big Cannon and the Clio tigers, while spray painting “Give us a fuckin game, faggots <3 443 1869!” on the Clio stairs. They send an email to The Daily Princetonian pretending to be the Rutgers head coach and explaining why it’s important to them that Big Cannon be returned.
2010: Rutgers kids take it up a notch. Not only do they paint the cannon, but also the concrete it’s on! Woah! Then they spray red marks on a bunch of buildings and stick Rutgers bumper stickers all over the place.
2011: Rutgers students make a documentary about this issue that has ostensibly become the centerpiece of their culture, and try to spin it as a two-way rivalry.
2014: This clever dig…
Last night: Rutgers get creative and paint the tigers in front of Nassau Hall. They pick the one day in the last four months that it has rained, and all the paint is washed off by the afternoon.