The Penn State guys who are totally nailing this Bumble thing

But spoiler alert: most of them aren’t

Tinder and Bumble tend to be where you find everyone but Prince Charming. Sometimes though, guys on these apps can surprise you. To sort out the bad eggs and possibly find your dream guys of Penn State, I spent more time than I’d like to admit swiping through profiles of Penn State’s finest to find the most eligible bachelors of PSU. Let’s just say that my very low expectations were… met.

Here’s what I found:

The guys who got straight to the point

 

 

In what world is this ok?

 

It’s ok because he added an”lol” at the end. Right?

 

Omg what a great idea! Degrade me and my race! I’ll definitely crawl into bed with you now.

The guys who just really like food (and sex)

I mean. This honestly sounds fun, who doesn’t like pizza?

Gee, thanks.

 

PSA: No one really  knows what he means by that

 

 

Sam, if you’re out there, I want that free Chipotle.

 

The butthurt little boys who just wanted me to reply*eyeroll*

Maybe I’m just a savage, but honestly, it’s Tinder. Calm down and stop looking for validation from me. Although admittedly, some of these were pretty good lines.

I mean… I guess this is sweet?

 

 

 

 

 

The guys who didn’t even know what I was saying

 

Have you heard of google? Try it out.

The guys who just made me sad for them

Damn. Sorry, kid. Didn’t realize pickup lines were more stressful than exams.

 

What has happened in your life to make you think that’s the first thing you should say to a girl? Or anyone, really?

 

This was just sad and confusing.

 

I don’t even know what to tell you, man. Good luck with that, I guess?

The husbands

Characterized by pickup lines that are actually something you should only ever say to your wife or very serious girlfriend. Please, stay away from me. I’ve never met you and now I don’t want to.

 

 

 

Maybe he’s just really poetic but idk, this was too much for me.

 

The confusing and/or cringe-worthy guys

I’m so uncomfortable right now.

 

Is this supposed to be reverse psychology, or…? Because it’s not working.

 

Cringe. I really want this to be a typo, but at this point, nothing can surprise me.

 

These were funny but this also screams, “pay attention to me and tell me I’m funny.” If you come across this, run away.

The “complicated” ones

 

Honestly, this was really anticlimactic.

 

I barely passed Algebra and he thinks I’m going to understand this? Smh.

 

Dude. Get to the point. PLEASE.

 

Prince Charming? Is that you?

 

That’s a damn good comeback, honestly. Although admittedly a tad creepy considering I don’t know you…

 

Omw Mac, wya? Also, I’m keeping all of it.

 

Did you swoon? Because I did and I need a paramedic to revive me.

 

The guys who couldn’t even be bothered

 

Really? It’s not that hard to google “pickup lines.”

 

Wow! “Hi”? What a line! ~swoon~

 

I’ve come to three possible conclusions based on my “market research:” Penn State guys are really bad at this Tinder/Bumble thing, the Penn State girls using these apps are really easy or I’m just really cynical and hard to impress.

P.S. Prince Charming, if you’re out there, swipe right.

 

Featured image courtesy of Daniella Urdinlaiz

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