Cuff this: Why we’re not looking for a relationship this season

It’s November, and that means it’s getting colder and snowier and icier and no one wants to go anywhere. Leaving the warmth and comfort of your room to head to a party — or anywhere, really — seems like a death wish, and all you want to do is snuggle up with someone and watch some Netflix. It’s cuffing season.

For those blissfully unaware, “cuffing season” refers to the casual dating phenomenon lasting from November to March — aka the end of fall semester to sometime through spring semester. Essentially, it’s cold outside and you want sex and snuggles, so you find someone and couple off until it’s warm again. Typically, you “break if off by the time it starts getting warm,” according to the dating authority known as the New York Times.

Honestly, cuffing season is a strange concept to me. There’s scientific evidence backing up people’s tendencies to want to settle down during winter, but do we really need to give a name to it? Why make it into a cultural phenomenon?

Getting into a relationship during November is fine, but getting into a relationship during “cuffing season” makes it seem like one, the relationship is simply a mechanism for withstanding the brutal winter chill, and two, it definitely won’t last past March. Not exactly a great way to start off.

Personally, I don’t see the need to get into a relationship just because it’s cold out. I like to prep for the cold months by heading out to my local grocery store and stocking up on chocolate. During winter nights, Netflix keeps me company. Sometimes, I even force myself out into the world for a party. Who needs a guy?

What really bugs me about cuffing season, though, is that it makes it seem like it’s fine to use someone for snuggles and sex. In this Vogue article entitled “Cuffing Season Is Here Again! And Here’s How to Dress for It,” the author’s friend explains, “’I’m not looking for a ‘boyfriend-boyfriend’ … But don’t necessarily settle either. … I want to be able to, you know, at least stand the person, especially in the event of a blackout.’”

Before anyone starts calling this type of thought “empowering” for women, let’s take a moment to actually think about this. Essentially, this is saying that’s fine to use someone. You can look at this as a statement of women’s independence and power, but if a man said something like this, most women would be taken aback.

Using someone for something, especially in relationships, is never OK. If a guy uses a girl for sex, that’s wrong. If a girl uses a guy for sex, that’s still wrong.

Feminism means equality of both genders. We can’t create double standards by thinking it’s OK for girls to use guys for sex (and snuggles and warmth) and not ok for guys to do the same. By thinking that it’s fine for girls to use guys, we create a space in which guys are allowed to do the same to girls. This doesn’t just apply to just heterosexual relationships, either. Regardless of gender and sexual orientation, we should not create a space in which it’s ok for anyone to use someone as a Cuffing Season Buddy and nothing more.

That said, there’s always those setups in which both people know that it’s temporary, in which case, no harm done (hopefully). But straight up using someone isn’t OK, and it never will be.

Something else that makes cuffing season just not worth it is this idea of having to impress guys. Honestly, it’s winter, and I’d prefer to curl up, eat and let my layer of fat grow to keep me warm. The only person I’m trying to impress is my cuddly Mr. Snuggle Bear for our weekly movie in bed dates.

So no, Vogue, I will definitely not be spending hundreds of dollars on clothing to impress someone I’m hoping to only keep around for the winter. Also, what’s up with this idea that there’s a specific way to dress for “cuffing season”? Guys (or girls, swing whatever you want) have different tastes. One style does not fit all. Also, the idea that we should dress for a certain way for this “season” at all — no thanks. I dress for myself. If anything, I dress for my roommate so that I’m not wandering the room naked all the time. I’m sure as hell not wearing a sexy “Cuffing Season Dress”  (see 1 and 2) when there’s snow on the ground and I can be bundled up in a sweater.

“Cuffing season is here,” and here’s my idea of “how to dress for it” — as an independent babe who dgaf.

The “idgaf I’m cute and I feel like smiling” look

 

The “independent baddie bishes out to steal yo’ heart” look

 

The “I’m cute n cuddly n all I don’t need to impress anyone” look

 

The “I’m feeling myself and you can’t have me” look

 

The “treat myself to Netflix n chill” look

The “bad ass bishes don’t need no man” girl gang look

And, of course, last but not least:

The “babe who daf” look

@mixed_hues