How to cope now that Donald Trump is president
For when you wake up from a bad dream in which a guy that mocked a disabled reporter is now president… Oh, wait
Trump has won the election. The future is bleak. These times call for some good self-care, aka eating and drinking your sorrows away.
Thankfully, we’re in State College, where Orderup exists so that with the press of a few buttons, we can easily order some disgustingly delicious gooey happiness and begin our journey to recovery. Or not, because Trump is Trump and that’s pretty awful.
Just remember: election calories aren’t your typical calories. They don’t count. They’re necessary for recovery.
Order late night Insomnia.
Get every flavor. Order the double chocolate chunk. Order the peanut butter, the snickerdoodle, the sugar, the white chocolate macadamia nut… all of them.
And then buy more. Maybe grab a glass of milk while you’re at it. Partake in the sweetness of cookies. Forget your sorrow.
DP Dough is open until 2am during the week and 3:30 on weekends. Sure, this is to cater to our drunk post-party selves, but this is also to cater to those nights of sleeplessness when you wake up from a bad dream in which a guy that mocked a disabled reporter is now going to be your president.
Oh, wait. That’s not a dream.
So yeah. Even more reasons to forget your worries in the beautiful cheese and dough calzones of DP Dough.
Ok maybe you need something a little more substantial. Or something that won’t make your body feel as disgusting as the world outside is. Chipotle’s got your back, as always. You can commiserate (read: cry) with the people in line about the shitshow America’s about to become.
McDonalds (happy meal)
The nation may have let you down, but McDonald’s will never let you down. 24/7 means that you can go in at 4 in the morning, still depressed that minority groups may lose their rights, and order some reliably delicious fries, burger and chicken nuggets.
Maybe get one of those smoothies while you’re at it and try to ignore how the M in McDonald’s is the same M that misogyny begins with. Just keep going with that denial.
Ah, brunch. Or breakfast, if you can get up that early. Waffles and pancakes are the perfect comfort food for anything, and this is certainly a time of need. Get extra syrup, extra powdered sugar, extra whatever it is that you need to feel ok again and chow down.
Head to the Gaff
Comfort food is great and all, but sometimes, you just need a drink. The Gaff has got your back with $6 pitchers everyday until midnight.
The Gaff can even help you distract yourself and release your tensions and anger with Wednesday night karaoke (Be honest, singing is totally the best way to get some happiness if you). And if you need a smoke after all this, you can do that inside the Gaff!
Head to the Phyrst
Have you yelled and complained and maybe even cried about Trump so much that you just can’t bring yourself to talk about him or the election anymore? The Phyrst will give you something else to yell about on Saturday night with Table Wars, drinks and live music. With specials everyday of the week, there’s a reason to drink and forget every night.
Head out to the frats
Not all of us are 21, as much as we may wish we were. In that case, go find the most lit party you can and dance the night (read: pain) away. Maybe you’ll wake up hungover enough to forget that an annoying, orange man is set to be the 45th president of the United States of America.
And, of course, afterwards, head to the best late night spots in town. Canyon has always got your back with glorious drunk pizza and you literally can’t go wrong with Gumby’s pokey stix.