In defense of Shortlidge Road

Whether you’re walk to White Building, EGEE 101 or making the hike to tailgate at the IM fields, every Penn State student has a love/hate relationship with Shortlidge Road. Though Shortlidge may seem like it has nothing to offer this school other than shin splints, there are many reasons as to why it is essential to the Penn State community. Many will argue this road is the absolute bane of their existence, but here are some reasons why Shortlidge is actually:

You will never be cold walking up Shortlidge

It will be the dead of winter, -1 degrees and you will have three layers on. I promise you, once you start walking up this hill, you will be sweating all that Canyon pizza off. Shortlidge teaches you that while you might think that you have the weather of PSU figured out, you truly do not once you factor in a serious trek.

The beautiful aesthetics the road has to offer

Not only will you see cigarette butts littering the sidewalk – proving that we are an EVER classy campus – but if you are lucky, you will get a glimpse into the beautiful circle of life. Once when walking up Shortlidge, my friend and I had the awesome opportunity to witness this first hand – a dead squirrel.

Shortlidge offers you a break from schoolwork with fun games

Take the game of life and death for example. You’ll be able to experience this first-hand when trying to cross the street on Shortlidge. Those who are lucky enough to drive rather than walk up the road conveniently become blind to the fact that us peasants are trying to live AND cross the street at the same time.

You get to a chance to feel like Marilyn Monroe

Name a better feeling than hot, disgusting air rising from the ground beneath you, randomly surprising you between steps up the sidewalk – especially when you’re already sweating. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

The realization that you’re SO lucky to not have asthma

For if you did, you would in fact be dead or in need of an inhaler by the time you reached Thomas Building.

Shortlidge teaches you how to multitask

With all of the people walking in the opposite direction who obviously have SO many other more important things to do than pay attention to where they’re walking, one learns you can text your mom and avoid a shoulder to the chest effectively.

You receive an all paid for, unasked for and most likely unwanted workout

The incline is too much for our alcohol-filled, unhealthy college bodies. Let’s face it: we’re all out of breath when we reach the top, no matter what pace we go at.

You also receive a free ice-skating lesson

Except you’re not even a tenth as graceful. And you’re not wearing ice skates, you’re wearing UGGs. And you’re wondering when this hill will finally take your useless life. And you’re crying.

The Rocky-esque feeling you get when you finally make it to the top.

You could have failed an exam, gotten broken up with or even buried your now dead fish. Nothing will ever bring you down once you finally reach the top for the walk from hell is finally over.

It helps to you appreciate the small things in life.

Like level roads and big sidewalks. And cars.

So as you can see, there would be no Penn State without Shortlidge Road. It is a staple in the Happy Valley community and offers endless amounts of wisdom to our ever-growing, malleable minds. If only we didn’t feel so lightheaded at the end of it.