Penn State boys prove to be the least romantic humans ever
We’ll let the screenshots speak for themselves
The fact that hook-up culture is prominent, if not of the utmost importance in some of our lives while in college is old news. Many struggle to find a real keeper these days because of how casual and available the sex is here. Heartbreak and disappointment is practically unavoidable for some students at Penn State. For example, if you’re someone who doesn’t prefer f*cking anything with a pulse on the weekends, but instead would rather spend some time indulging in some real, sober human conversation first, or even learning the person’s first ~AND~ last name before having sex with them, shoutout to you. Yes, first and last names… baffling concept, I know.
These decent people are left no option but to shake it off when they see someone they like going home with a girl/boy that everyone knows has STDs, and find some comfort in laughing at the embarrassing lengths others will go to get into someone’s pants. In our PSU utopia, where it’s extremely hard for any somewhat romantic gesture to be taken seriously, here are some things a number of girls reported regarding how “charming” guys at Penn State are. And yes, all of these tales are real and/or actual texts from real life Stater bachelors. Happy hunting.
Buys you $1 Canyon Pizza when it’s warm out and you’re drunk/hungry.
Letting you sleep at their frat or apartment when you don’t feel like trekking back to East.
Or… telling you the White Loop is still running when they don’t want you staying over.
When they’re willing to “try new things”.
Giving you their freshman convocation t-shirt when you ask for something to wear.
Texting you to make sure you got back to your dorm after walking there alone…the morning after.
When he asks where you’re at when the late-day portion of daylongs are ending.
Telling you you’re allowed to use the back door and/or the fire escape of his frat, only because he’s too lazy to come all the way to the front door.
Caring about your feminine issues.
Telling you that late night is in their bedroom.
When they try to flirt by “taking things slow”, saying they don’t need to hook up with you.
When they’re willing to take you to formal because they think that means sex is guaranteed.
And… willing to be your formal date because they think sex is guaranteed.
Gives you his location before you even ask, assuming you’re about to come get with them.
Saves you a cup of Vlad when they have to work bar.
Takes you on a drunk date to Baby’s.
Complimenting you after a sexual encounter.
When they “let you down easy” if they’re not really interested.
Gives you another girl’s fracket to walk home in.
When they are very persistent, but also don’t take no for an answer.
Taking you to their FFF and your “nice dinner” is a frat cupboard bagel.
Offers to call you a Safe Walk when they’re too cheap to call you an Uber.
And… offers to call you a safe walk when they’re too lazy to walk you home.
When they try to tell you that they want some alone time with you.
Meeting you at the White Loop before formal.
Orderups Wings Over and is willing to give you a few bites.
When they tell you they’re willing to hookup with you again.
Using their meal points for your Roxy’s burger or your sushi at Redi.
When they’re willing to have sober sleepovers with you all the time, but still find themselves getting with anything that moves on the weekends.
When they skip the small talk and get right to the point.
When he carries you back to his frat in the morning because you left your crutches there and you can’t walk. (Thanks for this one, S.)
Not forgetting your birthday while you’re on break.
Taking you out to dinner at Primanti’s and using Lion Cash to pay.
When they admire you from afar.
When they don’t really want to see you during the week, but are willing to grind on you at Den Tuesday.
As you can now see, as if we all already didn’t know before, Penn State is nothing short of a romantic wonderland. Thanks to all my friends for being willing to socially embarrass their admirers.
**** Disclaimer- This is not meant to be taken from an “un-sexualized feminist” POV. Have sex if you want to have sex. Sex is great. Just laugh at how ridiculous these guys are. ****