If Penn State bars were your friends

At Penn State, there’s a bar for everyone. The bar scene in downtown State College is eclectic to say the least, and ranges from dive bars and nightclubs to restaurants and bars with live music. Naturally, each one is unique in its own way… Similar to your friends. You love each and every one for different reasons, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Sound familiar?

If Penn State bars were your friends, this is exactly who they’d be:

Indigo: The cheap friend who doesn’t want to spend a lot of money, but wants to get laid.

This is the friend who takes full advantage of cheap drink specials and looks for a place where the chances of going home with someone are through the roof on any given night. Often times, this desire to get laid is directly correlated with the desire to dance.

The Lion’s Den: The “friend” who turned into a hookup and you keep telling yourself you’re too good for, but keep going back to.

You can’t escape your ex-hookup the same way you can’t escape The Den. Each time you hookup you swear it’s your last, yet you always find yourself in the same boat just weeks later. It’s basically the worst feeling ever.

The Phyrst: The friend who drunkenly dances on elevated surfaces.

This is your friend who’s low-key most of the time, but can get real rowdy real quick. The Phyrst is the friend who immediately looks for the closest elevated surface upon being intoxicated, and dances on it. Don’t worry – he/she is responsible and hasn’t fallen… Yet.

The Shandygaff: The go-to friend who you’ve been close with forever.

The Gaff is your fun friend who has been around for as long as you can remember. This friend will always rally the rest of your friends and get everyone excited about whatever it is that the night holds. It’s hard to not have a good time when you’re with the Gaff.

The Saloon: The friend who doesn’t go out much, but gets really drunk when he/she does to fit in.

Saloon is your friend that you physically have to drag out with you. This is the friend who doesn’t go out much, but does from time to time just to please others. Beware – Saloon tends to go from 0 to 100 real quick. 

Café 210 West: The friend who is always drinking at weird times of the day.

This is your day-drinking friend. Got out of class early? Time for a drink. Nice weather? Let’s drink. Café is unpredictable and always drunk at weird times of the day, but that’s why you love him/her.

Primanti Bros.: The friend who’s obsessed with sports.

Primanti’s is your friend who needs to watch every sports game that’s on ever. This is the friend who just wants to grab a few drinks and a bite to eat whenever a big game is on, but can you blame him/her? Their happy hours are pretty bomb.

Bill Pickle’s Tap Room: The friend in greek life who just goes with the flow.

This is your friend who is in a fraternity or sorority, yet never seems to have a solid plan simply because he/she doesn’t want one. Pickle’s tends to go with the flow for the most part, and usually ends up bouncing around to multiple places. You’ll probably find Pickle’s somewhere totally random by the end of the night.

The All-American Rathskeller: The friend who you don’t hang out with much, but is still always there.

Skeller is the friend that you forget about sometimes, but you don’t mean to. Luckily, Skeller is okay with being put on the back burner, because he/she always tends to just tag along anyway. It’s a win-win, honestly.

 The Darkhorse Tavern: The overly sexual friend, often at inappropriate times.

This is your friend who doesn’t have a filter. Darkhorse has to be monitored in certain situations, because you never know what sexual innuendo is going to come out of his/her mouth. You may not know what to expect, but you can always count on it being hilarious.

Whoever you are, wherever you go, moral of the story is the only thing that beats a good happy hour is a good friend.

@kmk5753