Dear motorists, calm the hell down

Dear motorists of State College,

I own a car. I drive a car. I know they are a blessing and a curse.

They are miracle machines that let us cross expanses of land in that used to our ancestors extended periods of time, but you never stop paying for them and they also increase your chances of dying or killing someone else significantly. Which is why some of you need take a seat and try and remember some of the stuff you should have been taught before you got a license.

Since your busy running stop signs and improperly merging though, I’ve written you some reminders and advice. This should all be obvious. If not, get out of the damn car and walk.

Number one: Yield to pedestrians. If a pedestrian is in a crosswalk at an intersection they have right of way. Pedestrians must obey traffic signals too, and if they  are outside of a crosswalk or walking on the shoulder of the road they must yield to any vehicles. I have almost been hit by cars making turns onto College Avenue, when I as a pedestrian had right of way.

Then again serves them right, for walking in the road when you have somewhere to be.

Number two: Stop at stop signs and red lights, make sure you yield at yield signs. Stop signs aren’t a request that you maybe slow down, they are there to keep everyone safe. Yield signs require you to slow down, but you don’t have to stop unless another vehicle is approaching the intersection. I mean, but who has time to stop, or slow down?

Number three: When driving through and around campus slow down. There are a lot of people crossing streets and plenty of them are jay walking. There are also a lot of people on bikes and various types of boards. Whether what they’re doing is legal or not has nothing to do with the fact that you could kill them.

Campus and State College police are also pretty strict when it comes to this kind of thing, so drive the speed limit. Everyone has somewhere to be, then again you’re important and can’t be bothered to leave early, so speeding is your only recourse.

Number four: Learn how to properly proceed at an intersection with a four-way-stop.

It’s actually pretty simple, the first vehicle to the intersection has right of way, the intersection being indicated by that white line at the stop sign. If you get to the intersection at the same time as someone else, then yield to the vehicle on your right, if there is no vehicle to your right then proceed. It’s the same rules for intersections with three-way-stops.

It’s not quantum field astrophysics, it’s basically what you would do when entering a buffet line.

Number five: Make sure the lane is clear before you try to merge into it. Sometimes another vehicle might be in your blind spot, which is why you need to take time out of your busy schedule to make sure your mirrors are properly adjusted. The cars already in the lane your trying to merge into have right of way, you don’t. Waiting your turn isn’t just for kindergarten.

Number six: There is no reason to do burn outs in apartment complexes or residential areas at anytime of the day or night. We get it, your mommy and daddy are rich and you have “unique” sense of taste when it comes to color selection, thats cool. But there are just no reasons so be doing stunts and burnouts where people live, at 3 o’clock in the morning, on a Tuesday. If you really need to scratch that drag racing itch have your parents rent a speed way or something.

Number seven: Try to avoid the things that contribute to distracted driving. This includes using your phone at all, studying for an exam, getting your make-up on fleek, tying a tie, disciplining your kids, disciplining your friends, listening to anything, eating cereal, looking at billboards, or doing anything that isn’t driving and watching the road.

Multi-tasking is a myth, you can’t do to things at the same time, as well as you can do one thing. Driving however has deadly repercussions if you lose your focus. If it’s that important find a place to pull over, if not it can wait.

Number eight: Don’t drive while under the influence, or tired. You’ve been told this your whole life. It should be one of those things you should just know not to do, like entering a long term relationship with John Mayer. That’s for good reason, driving is dangerous enough as is, driving while under the influence of a mind altering substance increases the chances of injury or death to you and others significantly. The same goes for driving while tired.

Make plans ahead of time, call a cab, ride any of the various CATA buses around town or have a friend or family member pick you up.

I hope that none of this is new to you, but hey you’re busy, you can’t be bothered to read an entire letter anyways.

Sincerely,

An irritated driver and pedestrian