Every type of person you’ll meet at Penn
Yep, even the sceney ones.
The frat star
Generalizations are wrong. You should get to know frat stars before assuming all of them are horny, white motherfuckers. In fact, a lot of them don’t fit the stereotype of being all-American patriarchy enablers at all. Obviously that doesn’t stop them from trying.
Where to find one: Playing beer pong. Again.
The frat star internacional
Similar to the previously mentioned ‘Frat Star,’ yet they are more likely to smoke cigarettes and less likely to care what you’re saying, in particular because they may not understand.
Where to find one: Castle, Owls.
The kid you’ll never see
This student probably wrote his or her CommonApp essay on how they breached their comfort zone when they joined their high school’s chess club in late junior year. Now, we’re just standing by until he or she is three months from graduating and Penn’s Chess Club gains a new member.
Where to find one: You can’t.
Their dorm room, and if not there, picking up actual groceries from Instacart.
The neurotica
The neurotica tends to send 80+ percent of the texts in your group project GroupMe. Oh, and they also always will be in your group projects. Always.
Where to find one: Van Pelt, 3am.
The Pennophile
Likely with a Bursar bill of insane proportions, the Pennophile will only ever be seen with clothes, accessories, electronics and just a bunch of random crap from the Bookstore.
Where to find one: At any sporting event, every college house-sponsored activity, lectures even on a rainy day.
The sorority girl
Through some enviable works of magic, sorority girls are able to make themselves look decent even on a Sunday morning. Chances are they’ve spoken to Tiffany Trump.
Where to find one: Saxby’s, Wharton Latino.
The Wharton-Knight
The Wharton-Knights know they are the knights of the school. And by knights, we mean they have an air of pretentiousness over the plebeians of other schools. We would be angry about this if a “Wharton boyfriend” weren’t the ultimate ideal.
Where to find one: Thursday downtowns, every Thursday. But hey, we plebeians would be there every week too if we also didn’t have to trudge to friday lectures.
The Penngineer
The typical penngineer runs on Java whether that means lame sequences of code or the liquid form. Unlike male Whartonites, male Penngineers are not sought out romantically despite also probably graduating with a six-figure salary.
Where to find one: A CETS lab at any hour of the day, including breaks.
The art hoe
After making all their friends at PennArts, they settled into the university’s underworld of weed, art, and spoken poetry. Some of them haven’t emerged since.
Where to find one: Pilam, Kelly Writer’s House, UBB, Avril 50.
The entrepreneur
If anyone seems to have their shit together, it’s the entrepreneur, with their 6 ongoing projects and networking superpowers. You wonder how they have the time to sleep. Chances are, they don’t.
Where to find one: Locust promoting their startup, one of Penn’s many consulting clubs.
The sceney kid
Sceneyness doesn’t mean what it used to. These kids are rich, outgoing, typically from abroad or New York… City. They flit from one downtown to the next, apparently oblivious to all responsibilities outside of filling up their nightlife.
Where to find one: Rumor, The Radian.
Pot(truck) Head
Their trash cans overflow daily from all of the T-shirt sleeves they cut off. These kids commendably give their time to exercise and are not afraid to show it off. If you ever see them in the dining hall, also expect to see three or more plates in front of them. “I pick things up and put them down.”
Where to find one: Pottruck, Commons, Lacrosse House.