Some things I’ve noticed as the British girl at Penn

Coming to university is a tricky time. Two and a half years after walking down Locust as a bushy-tailed and petrified freshman, it has gotten easier, but the staff at Sweetgreen still don’t understand me when I ask for tomatoes.

You might say starting university is akin to feeling like a tortoise out of its shell, a fish out of water. As for me, my emergence on the Penn scene was more of a literal crossing of water, a process made infinitely harder because my peers simply did not seem to understand me.

As your local British-Greek Penn kid, I can confirm that it is indeed possible to get lost in translation in a country that speaks the same language as you, and that there is a wrong way to make marmite toast. Here are a bunch of thoughts, fears, misunderstandings and fascinations I have experienced as an international student.

1. The American Twang. I continue to have an irrational fear of developing an American accent. Nothing against American accents, however, if you heard my valley girl alter ego trust me you wouldn’t want it either. Also if I lose the British accent I’ll just seem like a really confused American rather than a foreigner perplexed by the plethora of pumpkin spice products.

2. I’m sorry, I’m just going to say it: Hershey’s sucks – it tastes powdery and cheesy and bizarre. I miss British chocolate. Come with me, have a Dairy Milk, and tell me you’ll ever eat Hershey’s again.

3. Everything in the US looks deceptively cheap (unless you’re in NY). Seriously though, when I come back to Philly I feel like I’m rolling in the big bucks. It’s only after I’ve decided, “Fuck it I can buy my weight in Beechwood Orchards apples” that I realise they will be all I’ll be eating for the next fortnight.

4. Speaking of food, again – this is probably more of a Greek thing than a British thing – I’m used to having lunch at around 3 or 4pm and dinner no earlier than 8:30pm which means I’m usually eating 3 hours later than any given person around me. Breakfast is not a consistent thing but I mean that’s uni.

5. Zebra crossings – indulge me for a moment. We have traffic lights and zebra crossings – you’ll recognise them as the ones that look like zebras… with a ‘zed’. Why do cars in Philly insist on crossing when it’s a green light to walk? Por que??? Is this another American behaviour I am oblivious too or are they just exceptionally impatient?

6. People assume that all Brits can do Australian accents. We can’t. It is no more geographically likely than an American being able to do one.

7. A serious matter. I get penalised in class for spelling differently. I have legitimately had marks deducted for using British spelling and punctuation. That is nuts! If I told you, you have to start spelling donut with 3 extra letters you’d laugh at me and ask me if I was “taking a piss.”

8. Speaking of, it’s “taking the piss” and I’ve actually heard it used by a bunch of Penn kids so it must be catching on.

9. I love London, but sometimes our meteorological performance leaves something to be desired. I expected much of the same from Philly but oh my goodness fall on the East Coast is so beautiful!!!!

10. Brunch in the States is the apex of the vortex of the peak of all things delicious and related to breakfast. Freshmen reading this get your friends, fast for a day and go to Café Lift. I thought English breakfast was pretty decadent but oh was I wrong. You will not know what Nirvana feels like until you’ve tried Cannoli French Toast – a word to the wise, share it. I don’t think it’s safe to eat one on your own.

11. The hoagie and the relationship of its size as a proxy for your physical and mental strength. A contest in which I was repeatedly determined weak.

12. Denny’s. I am fascinated by Denny’s. What is it? Who goes? Under what circumstances do you go? We have a something similar in London called VQ but it’s caters to a very specific facet of the London community. In short I need to go to a Denny’s… I think it will be a bad experience, but I think I should go.

13. I get a lot of stick for using Britishisms, which is great, I find it hilarious. My most recent favourite is being teased for saying “I’m going to put something in my diary.” No I am not writing “meeting with board at 2:30” in a book of my deepest personal thoughts. I am however writing it in what is otherwise known as a planner.

So there you have it, how do you think I’m doing? Am I doomed to be hit by a car on 34th and Walnut and fall to my stripy death or will I simply suffer acute food poisoning after trying to conquer a Grand Slam at Denny’s? At any rate if you see a girl with a funny accent insisting on pushing a pull door snigger quietly and feel safe in the knowledge that she can’t vote in this country.