Here’s what campus baristas think of your order
We know more about you than you think
For many students, on-campus coffee shops and their baristas are a godsend, providing study space, workspace, dining space and head space for frazzled college students and general citizens alike. The folks behind the counter are always there for you when you need a boost, a treat or some serious help.
But what do your good old reliable baristas think of your order?
(Note: This article is written by someone with barista experience and is not meant to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to your order is entirely coincidental).
Small coffee, no room
You’ve never been here before, have you…?
Large coffee, no room
Do you ever decide to just…not do your homework for ONE hour?
Any size coffee, with room
I see what you did there. I respect that.
Mocha/white chocolate mocha with whip
YES. TREAT. YOUR. SELF.
Extra-sweet, non-fat mocha/white chocolate mocha with whip
Want to make up for the whip? You know this is actually…worse for you, right?
Hot chocolate, no whip
Heathen…
Photo courtesy of Abbie Winn
Hot chocolate with a shot
So…a mocha?
Large coffee with an extra shot
I hope you finish that five-page paper that’s due tonight.
Large coffee with three extra shots
Whatever it is you still haven’t started yet, I’m sorry. Stupid move, but I’m sorry.
Iced non-fat sugar-free vanilla latte
Oh, what sorority are you in?
Double-shot espresso, downed like a shot
I can’t tell if you’re a little masochistic or just…bitter?
Chai latte
I bet you just came from a 6:00 a.m. Vinyasa class. How was the flow?
Photo courtesy of Abbie Winn
Dirty chai latte
Lemme guess…barn dance last night?
Steamer
If I met you outside of this situation, we’d definitely be friends.
Photo courtesy of Abbie Winn
Italian Soda
Calm down, it’s not THAT fancy.
Cortado/Cappuccino/any other European specialty
We get it, you miss Spain/Italy/France/wherever you studied abroad last summer and this is the only thing around that, ‘really takes you back.’ Believe me — we’d rather be there, too…
Things that aren’t listed on the menu, very carefully explained to us with added hovering
Did you know that baristas are, in fact, relatively competent people who can also, in fact, remember and understand simple instructions?
Photo courtesy of Abbie Winn
‘Tall/Grande/Venti’ anything
You know, there are two Starbucks within two blocks of here, if you really miss it so much.
